The world has now been made aware that Paris Hilton, the closest thing we'll ever see to a being made of pure, uncut fame, is engaged to Greek shipping heir and Hilton self-love franchisee Paris Latsis. And you know what?

No.

Fucking no. In this golden age of publicity-machine suspicion ushered in by a thousand uncomfortable, utterly unconvincing, herpes-flavored Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes red-carpet kisses, it's going to take a little more than this "Paris engaging Paris" stunt to get us to bite. Hilton can get back to us after she announces that she secretly married a delicious Carl's Jr. Spicy BBQ Six Dollar Burger after a night of blowing lines off a roulette wheel in the Palms, then appears on Oprah to prove her love by inserting the huge burger into her birth canal in front of a national TV audience. She can only blame herself for setting the bar so high.

• Paris Hilton Gets Engaged [People.com]
• Paris Hilton engaged Greek shipping heir [AP/MSNBC]

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