The story of Kiefer Sutherland's drunken, flying takedown of a Christmas tree (in fairness, the angel ornament sitting atop it called him a pussy first) was so amazing as to seem wholly apocryphal, so while we'd heard that footage of the crapulent Yuletide miracle would appear in a documentary about the band he manages, we never allowed ourselves to dream that we might one day see it. We've been hurt before. Today, however, dreams come true.

Bow down before Kiefer Sutherland, tree-punishing pirate.

• Kiefer Sutherland Vs. The Christmas Tree [Defamer]

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