Because the Brandon Davis/Paris Hilton firecrotch-slandering video seemed to cry out for some kind of expletive accounting, our pals at Gawker put together a breakdown of all the slurred fun:

· Usage of "fuck" (including "fucking"): 10 · References to Lohan;s freckles: 3 · References to Lohan;s genitalia (including her "pussy," "skanky pussy," and "7-ft long clit"): 5 · References to the orange/red color of Lohan's pubic hair: 4 · Number of times Davis utters "firecrotch": 10 · Unflattering references to Lohan's attractiveness as compared to that of her incarcerated father: 1

Davis proved his gift by maintaining that crucial 1:1 firecrotch/fucking ratio while beset by the twin distractions of a horde of cameramen selfishly egging him on and a bellyful of vodka threatening to end his sidewalk poetry slam with a premature, technicolor final stanza. It took a glance at the numbers to realize it, but we're truly in the presence of drunken, sweaty jackass greatness.

• Brandon Davis Expresses Himself on the Matter of Lindsay Lohan [Gawker]
• Lohan-Hilton Catfight Update: Brandon Davis Uses Nuclear Option, Officially Upgrades Tiff To War [Defamer]

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