We fear that the demands of the fall TV season, with its unforgiving schedule of constant show launches, might have finally taxed the promotional geniuses behind the Fox News Cafe's legendary themed menus to their breaking point. How else to explain today's bill of fare at the cafeteria, celebrating tonight's premiere of forensic anthropology procedural drama Bones? If ever there was a time to take a pass on getting cute at the deli counter and salad bar, this was it. Today's menu is jam-packed with macabre offerings certain to kill Fox employees' appetites in cold blood. The "Cadaverous Combo" couldn't sound more delish if it were served buffet-style from a coroner's cold slab. If that's not setting off your Pavlovian salivating response, how about the "Skeleton Sandwiches Featuring Premium Boar's Head Meats," which evoke ghouls gnawing at the last pieces of decaying flesh stubbornly clinging to the bone? Not so much? Then surely you'll want to slurp up the "DNA Daily Soup," which we pray in the name of all that is good and holy isn't from the cream family today. In a word: Yum.

Happy lunching, Foxies. The rest of the menu is after the jump.

Today's News Cafe Menu

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Rotisserie
THE NEWS CAFÉ – TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13, 2005
TODAY'S MENU IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
BONES
SERIES PREMIERE TONIGHT AT 8PM

REICHS' ROTISSERIE & GRILL
SWEET & SOUR CHICKEN
½ 4.95
¼ 3.95

Side Special:
STEAMED RICE 1.00
STEAMED GREEN BEANS & CARROTS 1.00
CHICKEN EGG ROLL 1.00

CADAVEROUS COMBO: ½ CHICKEN OR TOFU, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.95* TAX INCLUDED

Pizza Oven
POSTMORTEM PIZZA BY THE SLICE 1.75
THREE CHEESE PIZZA
PEPPERONI PIZZA
BUFFALO CHICKEN PIZZA

PROCEDURAL PERSONAL PIZZA 4.95
MUSHROOM, OLIVE & CHOPPED TOMATO PIZZA

CORONER'S COMBO: 2 SLICES OF PIZZA,
SIDE SALAD & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.00 *TAX INCLUDED
Oven
VICTIM'S VEGETARIAN OVEN SPECIAL 4.95
SWEET & SOUR TOFU, BELL PEPPERS & PINEAPPLE

Sandwiches
SKELETON SANDWICHES
FEATURING PREMIUM BOAR'S HEAD MEATS
CREATE YOUR OWN SANDWICH
TURKEY, ROAST BEEF, HAM, TUNA SALAD,
CHICKEN SALAD, EGG SALAD 5.00

SQUINT'S SANDWICH SPECIAL 5.50
SAUSAGE, ROASTED BELL PEPPERS & MARINARA SAUCE

CRIME LAB COMBO: ADD CHIPS & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.75* TAX INCLUDED
Pasta
ANTHROPOLOGIST'S ENTRÉES
CARVED ROAST BEEF, BORDELAISE SAUCE & CHEDDAR BISCUITS 5.95

STEAMED VEGETABLE MEDLEY 1.00
MASHED POTATOES 1.00

DNA DAILY SOUP SELECTION
LENTIL 2.50

CASE CLOSED COMBO: CARVED BEEF & BISCUITS, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
6.95* TAX INCLUDED
Salad Bar
SCIENTIST SALAD BAR
TOMATO & CUCUMBER
SIDE SALAD
CHOICE OF SALAD 1.50
CREATE YOUR OWN SALAD BAR
4.00 SMALL SALAD BAR, 5.00 MEDIUM SALAD BAR, 6.50 LARGE SALAD BAR

• Previously: Fox News Cafe Returns To Prison: With Food Like This, We’ll Take A Life Sentence! [Defamer]

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