We're know we're all still recovering from Kiefer Sutherland's drunken tackling of our collective Christmas tree, but, unfortunately, nothing but more heartache awaits: as noted in the above Today clip, Malibu land baron Mel Gibson, whose despotic control of the sleepy beachside community was undermined by some ill-chosen, tequila-drenched words about his Semitic and sugar-titted subjects, is abandoning our fine city for the badlands of Costa Rica, ignoring the warnings of a government concerned for the safety of our emigrating national treasure.

We have no one to blame but ourselves for this crippling loss; had we embraced Gibson during this turbulent time in his life as warmly as the more forgiving Costa Ricans locals, maybe he'd still be building pre-Vatican II megachurches with stunning vistas of Carbon Beach instead of in the bandit-plagued wilds of Central America.

• Today Show [NBC.com]
• Gibson braves kidnap threats [Metro]

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