· Not only did 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan not offer to impregnate all the women in Rachael Ray's audience yesterday, he taught us a superior version of the old Five Second Rule: "God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt."
· Elton John wins a "Maori Academy Award": a bird-feather cloak, which sounds both more fashionable and practical that the little statue Hollywood hands out.
· Please construct your own sketchy British tabloid story based on the following elements: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, threat, lesbian, sex tape.
· Daniel Radcliffe screams in agony as his favorite Equus prank, "Hey, watch me hump the big metal horse head again!," goes horribly awry due to an unexpected genital-entanglement issue.
· Who could have possibly foreseen that lesser Baldwin Daniel might again run afoul of the law?

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