· President Monkey heralds the arrival of [*name of trendy LA shop that does not actually sell these entirely fictional shirts redacted] latest Paris Hilton-themed t's.
· Judge for yourself: Did Denise Richards bring some snow to the beach? Bonus: Telephoto lenses have rarely been used for purposes this disturbing. [NSFW]
· The Golden Cage: It's just like Big Brother, except it could go on forever and there might be actual prostitutes, not just the usual, fame-seeking kind you see on reality TV.
·Free Ignignokt! (T-shirt to follow, if there already isn't one.)
· There was a time in our lives when this news would have made us really, really happy. Now it just makes us want to put on Women and Children First and pray it's a hoax.

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