· Two hours and nine minutes later, American Idol finally announces the winner of its search for the World's Most Awesome Person. But interest is waning.
· We're almost positive The View staffers are having champagne and cake right about now.
· Magger, please.
· Beware, local wrestling teams: Bruno is on the loose.
· CBS brought to its knees by the Attack of the Killer Squirrels.
· Plan on seeing all your favorites, like Trap-Jaw, Ram-Man, and Fisto, in the Slammer the new He-Man movie!
· Brett Ratner loves a sweet ass, but does America love Brett Ratner?
· Alec Baldwin returns to his mistress, CAA.
· Ari Lite.
· Katie, Katee...It's so hard to keep those similarly named girls who don't have sex straight!
· For those of you who felt Rocky Balboa had too much heart and not enough blood, John Rambo should balance the scales.
· A fully legal Lindsay Lohan will introduce the Artist Formerly Known as An Unpronounceable Glyph to the finer points of communal stall etiquette at the Roosevelt.
· No wonder our friends at Paramount are so quiet today!
· Wow, Sanjaya—you really had us going. Now evaporate into a cloud of vapor.
· Will T.R. Knight or Isaiah Washington return to Grey's Anatomy next season? Based on last night's two-hour finale, we don't care. Ditto for the show itself. But we did learn a valuable life lesson during the commercial break.
· Top Ten lists: Always a great way to show off your comedic chops.
· Who wants to play Things On My Snoozing Jakeypoo?

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