When you're "on the go," you need a breakfast that's quick, filling, delicious, and reasonably priced. Some restaurants apparently can't figure this out, so we have prepared a simple guide for idiots.

One problem common in New York and other large cities is that you may live in a middle class neighborhood with normal human prices, but work in rich neighborhood with outrageous farcical prices that they wanna charge just so motherfuckers can be like "I ate at Baaaalthazzzzzarrrr." But guess where you need to buy your breakfast—near your work!! This creates a problem, which economists refer to as "Every spot around here believes they can charge almost ten FUCKING dollars for a breakfast sandwich." While consumers may be able to boycott car services because there are many alternate choices, it is much harder to boycott breakfast, because consumers are extremely hungry. Consumers must choose between paying almost ten FUCKING dollars for a breakfast sandwich or walking many blocks out of the way in order to find a more reasonably priced breakfast sandwich, which makes consumers so mad they are inspired to write angry screeds on the internet. We're talking about takeout food here.

It is inherent flaws such as this which will inevitable bring down capitalism in the long run.

How Much Should Breakfast Cost?

Breakfast sandwich (egg, cheese, maybe some bacon on there if you like)- $2-$4

Some eggs and hashbrowns and toast- $4-$6

Omelette- $5-7$

Oatmeal, which is literally what they feed to horses- 5 cents

Coffee- this should be provided free to all citizens free as a natural right


The proletariat will not stand for assaults on its dignity this early in the morning.

[Photo: Flickr]