Is Your Child Getting Enough Caffeine?

It's hard being a kid. Teenagers across America say they're stressed out, and many report feeling "overwhelmed, depressed or sad." No wonder. Many of them are not drinking coffee.

Kids are stressed? Fuck that. Try being an adult, kids. Now that's real stress. Kids are stressed by ultimately meaningless things like "grades" and "dating" and "friends." Grownups are stressed by things that are actually important, like "how to make enough money to support these god damned kids." And while we, the adults, are busy juggling jobs and kids and various legal charges that have not yet been proven in a court of law, we have to hear this:

Our kids may be consuming more caffeine than we realize. A new study finds that 73% of children and young adults in the United States have caffeine in their systems on any given day.

Wow. Only 73%? Is it any coincidence that exactly 27% of teens "say they experience 'extreme stress' during the school year?" I don't thinks so!!!!

If you kids think that grownups are going to carry you bodily around for all of your teenage years as you whine about "stress," you have another thing coming. Sit down. Shut up. Drink your fucking coffee. And deal with it.

Where are the parents?

[Photo: Flickr]