Hey, Jabronis—Learn How to Speak Like A Rill Philly Boy!

In advance of tonight's Oscars ceremony, if your last remaining critique of the Best Picture nominees is, "Why didn't any characters in American Hustle sound like they were familiar with the nuanced regional brogue of South Jersey and Philadelphia?", then the Times has you covered.

After Allen Iverson was celebrated this morning in a retirement ceremony fit for a king—at the even attendance price of $1,280 on StubHub—and as the city the New York Times once condescendingly called out as "The Sixth Borough" becomes the media's unwitting sweetheart, many wonder where that precious Southern-Northern accent is disappearing to.

Fear not. Upstate New York-by-way-of-Philly writer Daniel Nester corrects all the wrongs in Robert De Niro, Bradley Cooper, and Jennifer Lawrence's dismal accentwork in both Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle by sharing how things are really done. It reads, more or less, like gibberish.

Ya nowe, as my family or anyone living south of Exit 6 on the New Jersey Turnpike might say, ennymore, it's enough to make yew sowe fuss-chraided!

Where alleged Philadelphia native Bradley Cooper should be cheering for his favorite Iggles, his eloquent dialect roots for the Eagles instead. For Philadelphia hopefuls, the Times provides a handy chart of brogue flashcards to assist in picking up a "sawf pressle," a glass of "wooder," or at swatting away those pesky "miskeedas." And as always, the ever-vibrant Times commenters are positively a-flurry with their own takes.

One could pose that this theatrical negligence might cost American Hustle its Best Picture nod, but that really seems unlikely.

[Image via AP]