Burger King today announced that it will serve its burgers for breakfast now, as part of their new corporate philosophy, "Why try harder than absolutely necessary when the American people want nothing more than to eat themselves into oblivion to erase the pain of being locked into this zombie-like existence?"
BurgerBusiness.com, quietly the single most influential website in the United States if you really think about it, reports today that dingy grill joint Burger King has decided to forget its own path in the fast food breakfast wars by just... fuck it, man, just serve people the same shit, do you think these people even care?
Burger King is rolling out a new "Burgers at Breakfast" menu that makes selected lunch and dinner favorites available in the morning alongside the chain's regular breakfast items. Previously, the rule was that burgers weren't available until 10:00 or 10:30 a.m. Some franchisees already had been circumventing that timetable and were selling breakfast burgers. Now corporate has given a formal green light to the practice, within boundaries.
Throughout America, people are giving up. The franchises are giving up on trying to follow the burger-timing rules. Burger King corporate is giving up on trying to enforce the burger-timing rules. And it's all being driven by the American public, which long ago gave up on trying to adhere to even the minimal sort of social standards of conduct that would prohibit a self-respecting human from ordering a Burger King Whopper at eight o'clock in the morning. It is not unfair to conclude that the Burger King Whopper itself is an appropriate symbol of America's slow and soothing descent into a second-tier nation marked by stifling inequality of both wealth and breakfast options.
Is it really worse than eating a "Croissanwich" and a side of "French Toast Sticks" for breakfast? We shall see.