Philadelphia Searching For Swiss Cheese Masturbator

That man you see above is holding a slice of Swiss cheese over his dick. He is currently driving around the Mayfair area of Philadelphia asking women to use the slice of cheese while jerking him off.

The man, who has yet to be identified, is being sought by cops in Philadelphia after a number of women have filed complaints with police stating that he has driven up to them in parking lots and exposed himself while asking to be masturbated with a slice of Swiss cheese.

The Philadelphia Daily News has also talked to a 20-year-old woman named Gabby Chest who claims that the same man sent her a message on OKCupid asking her to "perform masturbation on him with cheese." The Daily News obtained an excerpt from that message in which the man explains the genesis of his fetish:

"I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls."

This is what it means to be a woman in America. If a 50-year-old man isn't harassing you online about executing a specific food fetish, he's driving up to you in a parking lot with his dick out and a slice of Swiss cheese literally in his hand.

And here Philly thought its stupid sandwiches were the extent of its cheese problem.

[image via Daily News, thanks Myles]