The chorus, so you can be sure to memorize it quickly before your high school friends post it on Facebook, is as follows:
I love Chinese food. You know that it’s true. I love fried rice, I love noodles, I love chow mein, chow m-m-m-mein.
In the video, the young and beautiful Gold grumpily walks through a park, finds Chinese food in a strip mall, uses some chopsticks, enjoys some noodles and then, because duh, it’s Chinese, she finds a giant panda friend.
But surprise! The panda friend is really Patrice Wilson, the man responsible for Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” and the man now responsible for this cutesy YouTubian foray into Orientalism. He even raps here too!
Holla Chinese food and some wonton soup,
get me broccoli while I play Monopoly.
Don’t be a busy bee, cuz it’s your fantasy,
to eat Chinese food, egg roll, and chop suey.
I use the chopsticks, to eat potsticks,
put some hot sauce in sweet and sour, make it sweet.
Because Chinese food takes away my stress,
now I’m gonna go and eat Panda Express.
The subtitles in the video are featured in many languages because it’s worldly and shit. But I’m having a hard time locating my favorite inappropriate scene. The gong, the geishas, or the older m-m-m-man tickling the young girl? Hard to say.