Shia LaBeouf's Still Got It, Storms Out of Press Conference

Churlish performance art major and bar-fighting Shakespearean Antonio Shia LaBeouf has once again dazzled the world with his ability to feel things more deeply than the rest of us. During a press conference for Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac, (inexplicably still not out in theaters yet), a film in which he was forced to act against his wishes, in a career he did not choose of his own volition, the actor answered one question, then walked off the stage. Where? Into a volcano maybe.

What was it like acting in a film with so many sex scenes, he was asked, which is, in fairness, a pretty uninspired, hacky question.

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea," he answered, before exiting abruptly. "Thank you very much."

No, sir. Thank you in fact. LaBeouf, who is physically incapable of opening his trap without someone else's words coming out, (acting!) was making a reference to an infamously cryptic press conference given by French footballer and former Manchester United player Eric Cantona, who was suspended after a physical altercation with a fan in the 90s. Cantona was himself a sort of pugnacious, two-fisted LaBeoufian archetype philosopher, as prone to sudden violence as a slowly delivered, ponderous pontification. The trawler, you see, is the great man beset upon by seagulls, or the media, starving for tossed-off scraps to gorge ourselves upon.

Actors are dumb.