Pop quiz, feminists: what's the proper response to reading Lean In?
While the rest of us have been content to name-drop Sheryl Sandberg's brand of corporate radicalism to ask our boss for a raise, one truly empowered "management supervisor" at a "fairly well-known" San Francisco advertising agency has single-handedly redefined "having it all" by leaning the fuck in (to a $10,000 wedding bounty). That's how much she's willing to pay friends to find her a date, but only if they make it all the way to the altar.
I just finished the book “Lean In.” And whether you’re a fan of this feminist social movement is neither here nor there. What is here is an idea that came to me after reading this book. I thought, “I get it, I need to sit at the table. I need to be deeply committed to becoming a leader.” Got it. I’m on it. And then I thought, “It’s 11PM on a Sunday night, I’m single, I just had to squirt dish soap on leftover pizza so I wouldn’t eat 2 more slices and this is the second self-help book I’ve read this month.”
And then it was as if Sheryl Sandberg and Patti Stanger bitch slapped me across the face with a soaking wet “stop being single” towel. If I wanted a new job, would I sit in the lobby of the employer’s building just hoping that someone would offer me my dream job? No. If I want a husband, will he just show up out of thin air and ask me to hang out with him for the rest of his life? No. Okay—maybe if I looked like Kate Upton. But I don’t. (However, in 2005 the freshman class of my sorority did say that Charlize Theron was my doppelganger. Yes, we might have been hazing them. Yes, they might have been blind folded. But they said it.) So yeah, I’m not Kate Upton. You get the point.
Sure, of course, who hasn't cunt punted a bunch of awkward bitches into comparing you to a former model. But let's skip on ahead to the business model, which is equal parts disruptive Silicon Valley startup and "Dog: the Bounty Hunter":
I will personally give ten thousand dollars to the friend who introduces me to my husband.
Here is how the referral program works:
Step 1: You set me up on a date with a man
Step 2: I marry that man
Step 3: I give you $10,000 on my wedding day
I know you’re thinking that this is nuts. Just plain crazy. “[Redacted], you can find a husband without dishing out $10,000.” Well for starters, thank you – I’m flattered. And secondly, I totally agree. But the reality is finding a husband always costs money. I just collected 1,000 insider points from Sephora and this isn’t because I buy beauty products to impress my 4-year old nephew.
We must have missed this part in the "Make Your Partner a Real Partner" chapter, but according to AgencySpy, the supervisor's plan is "dead serious" and it's working: she's "already gotten 100 potential dates."
See, ladies who are not Kate Upton, all you need is $10,000 and a dream.
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[Image via Getty]