Is Canada Mocking Us With This Fucking Doughnut?

Tim Hortons, the Canadian coffee-and-doughnut restaurant that recently agreed to be bought by America's third-or-fourth-greatest burger chain, Burger King, has revealed their first attempt in assimilating into our brilliant American culture by imagineering the Buffalo Crunch doughnut. Give me a fuckin break!!!

This Frankenstein swimming pool, which is to be served exclusively at the New York State Fair this weekend, proves that Canadians have a bizarrely passive-aggressive but thoroughly performative sense of humo(u)r. The Buffalo Crunch doughnut is only an embarrassing repeat of the grotesque pizza cake, another misfire by the food-confused Canucks. What are you guys doing up there? Leave our food mashups alone.

Americans have a long history of taking something good and mixing it up with something good, therefore making it better. Good + good = better. Simple equation, you'd think, exemplified in foods like fried Twinkies and Loaded Doritos. Canadians add cosines and long division and a stray π symbol to the equation because they have not yet finessed the proper tribute to American gorging. Stick to your maple lollies!

Via Eater, here's what you can expect:

It consists of a pull-apart yeast doughnut that's dunked in Buffalo sauce and crusted with crushed-up chips. It combines a staggeringly high number of junk-food influences (Buffalo sauce, tortilla chips, doughnuts) while still managing to make sense. The corn-chip strips in the center are decorative, and the doughnut comes in mild and hot varieties — mild is "toned down" with Ranch dressing. It costs $2.

All of Canada giggles at a hockey rink around a trough of ice poured over with maple sugar. "We got 'em good on that one, didn't we, eh? Let's say we go buy a pop with a loonie and have a good chuckle!" A pause. "And then we'll apologize because we are polite."

[Image via Eater]