Millionaire playboy and Instagram celebrity Dan Bilzerian is best known of late for chucking a 90-pound porn star, Janice Griffith, off his mansion roof during a shoot for Hustler, and missing the pool. Griffith threatened to sue, and now Bilzerian's lawyer has purportedly written the snarkiest response Bilzerian's money could buy.

Bro-news site Total Frat Move claims to have exclusively obtained the letter. Someone on Bilzerian's team confirmed to Gawker that it's authentic.

In response to Griffith's request for $85,000 in compensation for the work she missed as a result of a broken foot, the attorney counters that she consented to be thrown off the roof as part of the shoot, and points out that she had been warned not to grab Bilzerian's shirt before the throw took place.


Except that he didn't exactly say it that way:


"Maybe your client's theory is that Mr. Bilzerian negligently violated the established standard of reasonable care for one who throws a porn actor off a roof into a pool during a photo shoot for an adult magazine. I'll let that one sink in for a minute."

After going off on a tangent to porn-star shame Griffith for using hashtags like #deepthroat and #fatpussies, the lawyer returns to business with a closing that sounds like self-described asshole Dan Bilzerian could have written it himself:

"If she sues, the complaint will be sanctionably frivolous. Your client should just box up almost every last bit of her property (please exclude all videos and photographs, as well as the seemingly inevitable small yappy dog) and drop it off with you in safe keeping for Mr. Bilzerian. After he receives the judgment in his favor, he will have it all delivered to him. Then he will probably blow it up with a mortar in the desert.

I enjoyed our brief correspondence."

It's implied here that Griffith intends to sue Hustler, but whether this letter blusters her out of adding Bilzerian to the lawsuit remains to be seen.

The full letter is below.