"LICKING COUNTY, Ohio" reads the dateline on today's top news story. What sexy things are happening in Licking County, this week?
Lots of sexy things I bet, but the Columbus Dispatch reports that one (and in my opinion the most important) sexy thing happening there is that Sheila Ranea Crabtree—a mother of two who's gone by just "Ranea Crabtree" since she was in high school, because she finds the name "Sheila" to be "really ugly"—is petitioning the Licking County courts for a legal name change. Barring any unforeseen legal technicalities or gross miscarriages of justice, Sheila Ranea Crabtree will soon be known as Sexy Crabtree, because that will be her actual name.
"I wear Victoria's Secret clothes all the time," said Crabtree, who doesn't want you to know how old she is. "I was like, 'Shoot, I'll just go for Sexy.'"
One thousand and one Pulitzer Prizes to Columbus Dispatch reporter Lori Kurtzman. Everything's not bad, you know?