Aniston sex partner and literary scion Justin Theroux shows his bush in this week's New York magazine, prompting squeals of dismay (and occasional arousal?) worldwide.

Some will that say Justin's pube shot is gratuitous. But did you know that pubic hair is the most expressive part of a male celebrity's body? Come, let us explore the many things male celebrities' pubic hair have to say.

Justin Theroux's peekaboo bush: "What do I have to do to make you stop talking about Jennifer? What's that? How does Jen feel about my pubes? Fuck. This."

Ryan Reynolds' barely-there pubes: "I am barely interesting."

Pete Doherty's spongy bush and hairy inner-thigh mole: "I date out of my league."

Adam Levine's uber-coiffed lady-hand pubes: "I am a douche."

Alex Pettyfer's Thank You tattoo pubes: "I am a douche."

Morrissey's scattered pubes: "I continue to be sexlessly sexy."

Jesus Luz's robust bush: "Stop calling me a sissy. 100% hombre."

Ian Somerhalder's droopy puppies: "Please. Help. I am a grown man with a fan base made entirely of 14-year-old girls."

Rob Pattinson's dark forest: "I am uncomfortable with my body, but gaze at it if you must."

Sen. Scott Brown's vintage bush: "LOL. Betcha didn't see this coming."