Julian Assange, Mystery Problems, Comic Sans, and More Hate Mail

We still had a couple writers stuck on the derailed "Oh Canada" train, but our correspondence was generally well-rounded this week. We saw complaints about our Facebook thumbnail photo (it's usually going to be the photo of Gawker editor-in-chief, John Cook), people requesting that we solve problems that they haven't described, and a perplexing Julian Assange-glowing Alien connection. Below, some thoughtful notes from our pen pals:

We got two emails from one address, both of which described questions they wanted answered while giving as little context as possible. Do you have any ideas?

SUBJECT: A NEW ANONYMOUS MESSAGE!

BODY: Who sent me the anonymous message below?

Sent from my iPhone

SUBJECT: Who?

BODY: Who sent me that doctored picture of me that was mocking me?

Sent from my iPhone

As far as I can tell most of the words in this article don't relate to each other, but I thank you, dear reader, for sending us your epistolary experiments.

SUBJECT: Colonization

BODY: It sounds like Assange is an Alien trying to free colonize his race of offspring in each continent all around the world ps. I touched a crystal skull ant it lit up purple so i mite be an Alien.

Feigning… something.

SUBJECT: Facebook thumbnail problem

BODY: You need to fix your Facebook thumbnail situation — I posted your video to my Facebook page and would have loved to have a pic of the cute little kid in the video. Instead, I get a picture of John Cook looking douchey and feigning... something. Can you fix this?

Thanks.

The proportion of subject line to body text in this email is all sorts of bonkers.

SUBJECT: You should be ashamed of you never ending which hunt of Rob Ford and your so called video that does not seem to surfaced anywhere!What you are doing is encouraging people like me to VOTE for for Ford AGAIN . HE WAS ELECTED BY THE PEOPLE OF TORONTO TO BE MAYOR SO LEAVE HIM ALONE!NEord in teh

BODY: Your lefftist mentality will be defeated like Soviet block in the late 80's!

COMIC SANS. This shit below was in Comic Fucking Sans. Just so you know, for important context and insight into the choices made by this writer.

SUBJECT: Here is a tip...

BODY: So where is the video you fucken idiots..

Bunch fucken lyers....

Have a fantastic weekend, everyone! Welcome June with happiness.