The public unveiling of North West wasn't the only thing that made Kanye West's hour-long sit down with his baby's grandmother notable. The whole thing had a the stilted air of an infomercial (missed opportunity: a segment in which the quasi-in-laws vacuum-sealed shit for a segment). Kanye was alternately sedate, engaged, sulking (sometimes he'd go from being engaged to sulking over the course of a single, benign topic), and paranoid about the press. Highlights are above, bullet points are below. Pick your poison.

  • This self-acknowledged musical genius has a hard time working a car seat, and doesn't want paparazzi exposing this. However, he has no problem exposing it himself. That is what you call "owning the story."
  • He compares the paparazzi to lunch-money stealing bullies. He also thinks there might be people in the world who missed his No. 1 street hit, "Don't Talk."
  • He's more of a visual artist than a sonic artist and has been in art school since he was five years old.
  • He likes puppets/modern-day Jim Henson vibes. He "really [gets] into creative ideas likes this."
  • He and Kris are not of different brands.
  • In fact, there's only one brand now: family.
  • He used to Photoshop "himself" (actually a stick figure) into the annual Kardashian family Christmas card. Instead of being considered creepy, this is considered "adorable" and proof of reproductive worth.
  • Kris Jenner really wanted him to jump up and down on her couch. "That would be so fabulous," she said, meaning, "That would be so viral/good for our family brand," meaning, "I really want my talk show to get picked up for a full season and I'm not even sure the picture of the kid is gonna cut it."
  • He wears a What Would Jesus Do bracelet.
  • He does a killer "Joy to the World."
  • The only thing he wants to do in life is help people.