This week, Arlington, Texas will get the thing it most desperately needs: a new greasy fast food chicken restaurant. But this greasy fast food chicken restaurant marks the launch of a greasy fast food chicken restaurant war.
For many decades, the Chick-fil-A brand has won hearts and minds with a simple formula: small menu, greasy chicken sandwiches, hating gays. It's time-tested method that really works. Now, THE YUM CORPORATION, the corporate conglomerate behind THE KFC CORPORATION, is launching its own little chicken restaurant, called SuperChix, which is a direct ripoff of Chick-fil-A, because it just sells a few items of chicken, rather than many different chicken items, and the chicken is "premium" and "hand-breaded," rather than "chock full of as many industrial chemicals as our robots can inject into the chickens before the chickens die a horrible death."
(SuperChix chicken may in fact be full of horrible industrial chemicals, but they don't advertise it.)
Why, one might ask, does KFC—which actually has a lot of greasy chicken restaurants already—need to open a new brand of greasy chicken restaurants? Well, because everyone down South loves Chick-fil-A, along with its great family values of "kill homos," so THE YUM CORPORATION wants to get in on this perception of "greasy chicken with a small, unique, hometown feel," as opposed to the feel of its current chicken offering, "THE KFC CORPORATION INTERNATIONAL CHICKEN MASSACRE CONGLOMERATE." Ad Age's Maureen Morrison reports:
So why not clue in consumers that the concept comes from KFC, which already has substantial chicken cred? Dennis Lombardi, restaurant-industry analyst and exec VP at WD Partners, said it lets the company "start free and clear of all perceptions of all existing brands" — good or bad.
But does this chicken restaurant hate gays? It is the homophobia that gives it the flavor.