As part of a sexual harassment lawsuit filed last month against rap-metal physics students Insane Clown Posse, Kid Rock received a subpoena ordering him to produce, within 14 days, a glass dildo he was allegedly given by a former ICP employee. Instead, Rock produced a missive entitled "All Parties Involved in This ICP Glass Dildo Case Can Shove One Up Their Ass: Kid Rock Responds."
In letters to the attorneys for two former ICP employees—plaintiff Andrea Pellegrini and allegedly dildo-gifter "Dirty Dan" Diamond—Rock denies knowing a damn thing about any glass dildo, let alone owning one.
"No idea what you're talking about, and I definitely don't have it. I've never heard of, seen, or met any people involved in this case," he says, addressing Pellegrini's lawyers.
And not only does he not know about any dildo, he's pissed that anyone would even ask:
"Say you were people who aren't a blight on our planet – wouldn't you be pissed off that your name, for days on end, was being mentioned in the press when EVERYONE involved knew you weren't involved in any way? Welcome to my side of this story."
Rock also attempted to explain to Dirty Dan's lawyer why Dan might have claimed that, after Andrea Pellegrini turned down his (generous, totally non-harassing) gift of a glass sex toy, Dan gave said dildo to internationally known recording artist Kid Rock:
There are only two possible explanations for what your client said: either he is an absolute pathological liar, who for some insane reason decided to make up a bullshit story using my name or 2: he thinks he's a comedian and was trying to be funny.
There's no reason to believe that, if Rock had been given a dildo by a guy who calls himself "Dirty Dan," he would have kept it. But Rock's explanation does contain a couple of glaring factual errors:
First, he denies having seen, heard of, or met any parties to the case. Two of the named defendants are ICP members Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, with whom Rock recorded a song in 1992. Afterward, Rock and ICP carried on a lame mutual beef that played out through their song lyrics.
Second, Rock asserts that if "Diamond Dan" were joking about the dildo, then he's just an asshole who isn't funny. This is incorrect: That joke would make him an asshole who is hilarious.