Today in news of North Korea's pathologically murderous legacy, South Korean daily Chosun Ilbo is reporting that a firing squad executed Hyon Song-wol, a Korean pop star who was widely rumored to be a long-term paramour of man-boy dictator Kim Jong-un.
Hyon Song-wol was the lead singer of Pochonbo Electronic Music Band, a musical propaganda group whose biggest hit was an oppressively chipper jingle "Excellent Horse-Like Lady" (the title also translates to "A Girl In The Saddle Of A Steed"). If you believe the Song-wol-starring video, posted below, the 2005 tune is apparently about how strong women find factory labor awesome and that's not a feminist message because strong women are just like animals you ride. (Or something.)
Song-wol and Jong-un supposedly met more than a decade ago and became involved in whatever peculiarly amorous and perhaps physical way that sons of Korean dictators quietly become involved with their country's most popular young singers. His father, Kim Jong-il, widely documented to be one of the least understanding creatures in modern human history, didn't approve and forced his son to cut ties with Song-wol. Allegedly, Song-wol went off, married a military officer and had a baby. Meanwhile, rumors of her continued involvement with Jong-un persisted, and typing any of this is like speculating about a Martian love story, but that's what we do.
Moving forward: Last summer when Kim Jong-un started appearing publicly with a "mystery woman," there was widespread speculation that his companion was old-flame pop-star Hyon Song-wol. But then weeks later, Korean state TV mentioned briefly that Jong-un was married and that the woman he'd been out with was his wife, Ri Sol-ju, who probably did not enjoy being mistaken for her husband's ex because no one really likes it when your significant other's family slips and calls you "Christine" or whatever her name was, uh, not speaking from experience or anything. Ri Sol-ju has been photographed by Jong-un's side ever since.
That is not to say Ri Sol-ju had any jealous involvement when her husband's erstwhile sweetheart was arrested on August 17—along with Mun Kyong-jin, the head of another musical group called the Unhasu Orchestra and 10 or 11 others—on charges of pornography. That is also not to say that Ri Sol-ju didn't have any involvement: Before she married Kim Jong-un, she too was a member of the Unhasu Orchestra, which makes Mun Kyong-jin her former colleague.
"They were accused of videotaping themselves having sex and selling the videos," reports Chosun Ilbo. A source also tells the paper that on August 20, the group was executed in front of their families, who were then sent to prison camps.* (North Korea actively practices guilt-by-association.)
Despite all this, a few Yahoo users would still like to know: "Do you think Kim Jong Un is hot?"
[h/t the Telegraph // Kim Jong-un and Ri Sol-ju photo by AP]
To contact the author of this post, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
*Repeat for emphasis: A source also tells the paper that on August 20, the group was executed in front of their families, who were then sent to prison camps. Holy fuck.