HIPSTER GRIFTER! HIPSTER GRIFTER! HIPSTER GRIFTER!

• Is this the best story or what? "Best story" is the correct answer. A nutty young sociopath from Utah took Brooklyn by storm, sleeping with literally every boy and crashing on literally every couch in Williamsburg and landing a job at Vice—at Vice!!—and lying about cancer, repeatedly, to everyone, before someone actually Googled her and found out she was on the run from the law for theft and check fraud and just wow, Hipster Grifter, we love you. Kari Ferrell, Williamsburglar, pathological liar, crazy woman, keep living the dream. Brilliant, complete coverage from Hamilton here.
• We gained Kari Ferrell (maybe! she might be in Philly? no one knows! hi, Kari, we know you're reading!), but we lost Ryan Adams. Damn you, Sulzberger!
• Oh, also, we're getting some Pirates! And Madonna again! So, frankly, fuck off, Adams, who needs you? Play "Summer of '69"!
• Amazon accidentally kicked all the gay books off their sales rankings and sales charts. Well, most of the gay books. You could still find All the Sad Young Literary Men. (Hah! Ha ha ha! Get it?) (Keith: what do you think about the HIPSTER GIRFTER? Have you Tumblr'd about her?)
• John McCain doesn't consider Sarah Palin "young and dynamic." And if there's anyone whose opinions on youth and dynamism we're inclined to listen to, it's Senator John McCain. (No, but seriously, Sarah Palin's a joke.) ("Dynamism"?)
• It's sometimes sobering to remember that prejudices we thought belonged to another era are still alive and well, in certain isolated pockets of the nation, kept alive by the resentments of a disenfranchised... holy shit LOOK HOW CUTE THIS PUPPY IS. WHAT AN ADORABLE FUCKING DOG.
• Heidi and Spencer, these two Sid and Marty Kroft puppets from McDonaldland, had a fight, on TV. Some hellish wraiths invented a skin-melting cream or something, on TV. Richard deserves a raise.
• One of the doughy boring white guys got the least amount of votes on American Idol but the judges "saved" him because they hate you.
• Ashton Kutcher Twitter CNN ugh.
• Did you know that "Yoga" is just code for "SEXY HYPNOTISM"? It's true! It's all true!
• Ok, so, Mel Gibson. He is going through a messy divorce, he is dating three Russian ladies named Oksana, and he hates the Jews. Those are the things we know, about Mel Gibson.
• Fox will only stalk you if they feel like it. Ok? And they are too busy going down the rabbit hole with Glenn Beck and figuring out truly tasteless jokes to bother with you right now.
• Oh man, some guy at Yahoo has seven screens. What a tool.
• Us Weekly violated their sacred oath to uphold the editorial/advertising wall. America lost its innocence, again. Never forget.
• Hey there is at least one Brooklyn grocery store that still has a shitload of Passover Coke on its shelves! We are drinking it, with some Rebel Yell, right now! Yes! Friday! God Bless America!