Lindsay Lohan, a trickster god leftover from an ancient time to sow chaos among the living, checked in for her court-ordered rehab today, right on schedule. She did not check into the correct rehab, allegedly because she couldn't smoke at that one.
Back in April, James R. Dabney, the California judge presiding over Lohan's case, approved Lindsay's request to receive her mandatory 90 days of rehabilitation at the Seafield Center in her home state of New York, rather than a facility in California. Up until today, the judge and prosecutors connected to the case assumed that's where Lohan would be receiving treatment, although, in retrospect, it's unclear why. You can reason with a junkyard dog all night; that pup is still gonna howl at the moon.
Today in court, Lohan's attorney (wearing a special Halloween tie) announced the actress had actually checked into Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach. According to the AP, Santa Monica Chief Deputy City Attorney Terry White said he was "completely blindsided" by the location change, since Morningside was not a court approved facility.
After reading a letter from the CEO of Morningside, Judge Dabney stated that it appeared to meet the requirements of Lohan's sentence, but gave White a week from Friday to investigate the facility before he would approve it. If White finds it inadequate, he says he will recommend the judge move Lindsay to a court-approved facility and order her to begin her 90 days over.
In courtroom video obtained by TMZ, a furious-sounding member of the prosecution states that he has already found three newspaper articles from 2012 "condemning" Morningside. The center's state licenses were suspended last year after it was found to have been, among other things, "careless" with prescription drugs.
Judge Dabney ordered Lohan to remain at Morningside until the vetting process is complete.
So what's the opposite of that? Being everywhere but there?
She'll probably do that.
UPDATE: TMZ reports that, contrary to what Lohan's attorney Mark Heller told the judge, Lindsay was never "ensconced in the bosom" (his words) of Morningside. She allegedly pulled up in an SUV a little while ago, but the car drove away before she got out. In other words, Lindsay has not yet checked in to the rehab she was not supposed to go to. #YOLOLilo
[Image via Getty]