If you really are only as old as you feel, then audio released today by Santa Fe police regarding a little hotel pizza party that got out of hand indicates that New Mexico governor Susana Martinez is... maybe 17 years old.

The tapes (via the NM Political Report) capture calls placed to 911 about a loud party early Sunday morning at the Eldorado Hotel & Spa in the state’s capital. In one call, a front desk clerk asks a dispatcher to send officers to the hotel to remove the noisemakers from the premises. The other two calls feature Martinez, who identifies herself as the state’s governor, interrogating various officers, dispatchers and hotel employees about why police had been sent to respond to the noise complaints.

According to one dispatcher, the hotel had requested officers after being told that people in Martinez’s room were throwing bottles off of a balcony. The problem as far as Martinez saw it was that her party was merely “eating pizza,” a story she repeats with increasingly fanciful diction across the tapes. Here’s a representative part of one exchange, which comes about a minute into the third call:

Martinez: You just sent police over to shut down a room?

Dispatcher: To go speak to individuals about a party

Martinez: Okay. So we’re just sitting in there, I’m the governor of the state of New Mexico, and we’re in there with my sister who’s disabled along with six other people who are having pizza.

A few minutes later, Gonzalez seems to not-so-slyly admit that... something had happened on the balcony of her room:

Martinez: We’re all in a room, eating pizza.

Dispatcher: Okay, well that wasn’t what was reported to us.

Martinez: What was reported to you?

Dispatcher: That there was a party and people where throwing bottles off the balcony.

Martinez: I’m sorry there’s no one on the balcony and there’s no one throwing bottles off the balcony, and if there were it was about six hours ago.

In one of the other conversations, Martinez says she had only gotten to the room two hours prior, which wouldn’t explain her specificity regarding when something might or might not have happened on the balcony. Per the Santa Fe New Mexican, Martinez was celebrating her annual staff holiday party at the hotel the night of the incident, which probably explains why she sounds kind of drunk.

But if you can explain why everyone in these calls sound like someone in a Portlandia sketch goofing on Canadians then you know more about New Mexico than I do.

[image via AP]

Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.