Oh gee, working for equal rights/preaching against drug addiction. WHAT A DICK, RIGHT? he should be rapping like Will.i.am about "when we're up in the club, all eyes on us!" Right? Obviously, duh. God forbid he have a positive message. *rolling eyes so hard they fall out*

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Macklemore Is a Ho Bag

Macklemore Is a Ho BagS

Last night at the Grammy awards, Macklemore beat out Kendrick Lamar for multiple "Best Rap" awards. Afterwards, Macklemore texted Kendrick an apology. Classy? On the contrary.

Let's leave aside the question of whether or not Macklemore "deserved" to win "Best Rap Album" and "Best Rap Song" of 2014. (No.) Let's also leave aside the question of whether or not Kendrick Lamar makes "better" hip hop music than Macklemore. (So obvious as to be undeserving of further explanation.) Let us simply address here Macklemore's actions last night, which were threefold:

1) He decided to attend the Grammys. There he won a bunch of awards. He accepted those awards with pleasure.

2) Later, after it was all over, he sent a text message to Kendrick Lamar, reading: "You got robbed. I wanted you to win. You should have. It's weird and sucks that I robbed you. I was gonna say that during the speech. Then the music started playing during my speech and I froze. Anyway, you know what it is. Congrats on this year and your music. Appreciate you as an artist and as a friend. Much love"

3) Macklemore put a photo of his private text message on Instagram to ensure that everyone saw it.

As to the question, "Is Macklemore a ho bag?" we may now answer, "Yes, he is." Consider the following alternative courses of action that he could have taken, all of which would have been less characteristic of a ho bag:

1) He could have boycotted the Grammy awards, which are for ho bags in general.

2) When called on stage to accept his award, he could have said, "This award belongs to Kendrick Lamar." (There is precedent for such a thing.)

3) He could have walked down from the stage and given his award to Kendrick Lamar.

4) If he was too flustered to do this on stage at the Grammy awards, he could have done it immediately after the Grammy awards.

5) During the performance of his song "Same Love" at the Grammy awards, he could have married Kendrick Lamar, and presented him with a very special ring—made out of the Grammy award for "Best Rap Album."

6) He could have sent Kendrick Lamar an apologetic text message without putting a photo of that text message on Instagram in a transparent ploy to win himself plaudits for his graciousness.

Macklemore did not do any of these things. Instead, he went to the ho bag Grammy awards, basked in the unblinking adulation of the cameras, accepted all of his awards, and then clumsily tried to insulate himself from the conversation about his own suitability for such awards that he knew would ensue, by apologizing for those awards in the most vainglorious possible way. I challenge anyone to construct a chain of events that more readily demonstrates the definition of "self-serving."

Macklemore has not yet given back the award he is very sorry he won.

Macklemore is not the world's greatest villain. Maybe he is a really nice guy. Maybe events are moving too fast for him. Maybe Macklemore is but a bit player caught up in the sweeping cultural drama that is at the intersection of hip hop, race, and pop culture. Then again, Macklemore is not a role model. Macklemore is not some real cool guy. Macklemore is just some guy who makes catchy songs, sells Dr. Pepper, and gives bad apologies.

Don't be like Macklemore.

[Photo: AP]

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