Madonna Has a Penis-Shaped Bong and CockroachesS

Yesterday, Madonna experienced the great modern celebrity rite of passage into the illusion of tech-savvy by participating in an Ask Me Anything on Reddit. She was often very sassy. She answered "send photo" over half a dozen times. In lowercase with sparing punctuation, she was just revealing enough to remain worth reading. She spoke of a dream in which, "Brad Pitt and I were living together and there was a small blonde child in the bed." She added, "Sorry Angelina, it was only a dream." Later she said that this made her laugh.

Madonna shared that she plucks her eyebrows both when indulging in "me time," and when procrastinating. (And yet, she remains a Frida Kahlo devotee.) She feels that her quintessential album is 1998's Ray of Light, and her favorite video to shoot was "Justify My Love." Erotica, according to Madonna, is a "great record." She enjoys dirty martinis, Jay Z and Frank Ocean's song "Oceans," and she is waiting for Daft Punk to call her back so that they can work together. She used the phrase "tired ass."

Speaking of Frank Ocean, Madonna named him when asked "Can you name one gay guy you wish you could turn straight?" (Frank Ocean has never come out as "gay," per se.) Disappointingly, Madonna answered very Kathy Griffinly when asked, "if you were a gay man, would you be a top or bottom." "i am a gay man," she said. It was a stupid answer to a stupid question — every one knows Madonna is a top, regardless of her sexuality or gender identity.

Madonna, of course, takes herself very seriously. "Have you ever considered going into politics?" someone asked. "i have gone into politics. my work is political," Madonna answered. She prefers Jung to Freud, whom she finds "too cerebral and a misogynist." Madonna is studying the Quaran.

Madonna says she keeps her awards in an award closet. The best birthday present she received is a penis-shaped bong. She didn't say what she is smoking out of it, but whatever it is, it's probably too expensive for you to even imagine how it feels. Someone asked, "Why u do not have any pet at home?" "i have fish and some cockroaches," Madonna answered. Her roaches were probably expensive, too.

My takeaway, my a-ha moment (if you will) resulting from reading Madonna's AMA, is the knowledge that one can make out while wearing a grill. "Have you tried making out with the grills on?" said someone. "yup it works," is how Madonna imparted her experience and wisdom.

Oh, and at least one person did, in fact, send photo, as requested.

Madonna Has a Penis-Shaped Bong and CockroachesS

[Madonna pic via her Instagram]