An Oregon man was arrested for a DUI after driving onto the sidewalk, hitting a parked car, and then attacking his girlfriend when she tried to take the keys.

Ross McMakin, 21, is accused of drunk driving, reckless endangerment, harassment, and strangulation. His stupid shirt pled guilty to all charges.

McMakin told police he was behind the wheel because his girlfriend didn't know how to drive a stick, which makes complete sense according to the tenets of drunk as shit logic.

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[H/T: Uproxx]