On Monday, a man traveling from southern China to Beijing with his pet hamburger was stopped by airport security because, whoops, his hamburger was actually a live turtle that he was praying everyone would mistake for a hamburger.
The South China Morning Post (which picked up the story after it was first reported in Guangzhou Daily) wrote that the man—identified only by the surname Li—tried to smuggle the turtle through with his luggage by wrapping it in KFC paraphernalia. (Like, what's suspicious about a "hamburger" from KFC except EVERTHING?) His plan worked perfectly until airport security officials looked at the hamburger with their eyes, at which point it quickly became obvious it was a turtle.
After an X-ray of the man’s luggage revealed a turtle all packed up in a hamburger bag, (the giveaway: something the SCMP translates as “odd protrusions” – probably the hamburger’s legs, head, and tail), the security screener reportedly asked, “Sir, are there any turtles in your bag?”
Playing it cool as a cucumber that is 100% a cucumber and definitely not a turtle, Li reportedly replied, “There’s no turtle in there; just a hamburger. There’s nothing special to see.”
Unfortunately for Li, the airport workers were not swayed by his star turn as The Man Who Has a Hamburger and Not a Turtle in His Bag. (Perhaps if he had really committed, going as far as to slowly consume the turtle, choking down its odd protrusions one by one until there was nothing left. That was the gentlest, most loyal hamburger I ever ate.) They searched his bag and discovered, hey-o, a live turtleburger.
When asked why he had attempted to smuggle a turtle through airport security by disguising it as a hamburger, Li said that the turtle was his pet and he had wanted to travel with it. He was not permitted to bring the turtle on board.
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