Martha Stewart's Top Two Sex Tips and Future Dildo Plans

On Monday, Martha Stewart posted a bunch of pictures of a bloody, crumbling horse tooth on her personal blog. Thursday afternoon, while hosting an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit, she offered fans a couple freak-nasty sex tips and mused about the day she will purchase (or steal?) her first dildo.

If Martha's week so far were a network, it would be FX.

Early on in the Stewart AMA (which Martha rebranded as "Ask Me Almost Anything"—perhaps to preclude future charges of insider trading) a reddit user asked if she had "any good sex tips?" She did.

Martha Stewart advocates bathing before and after, bathfucking, and brushing your teeth post-coitus to remove the taste of your partner/s' sex organs from your mouth:

Martha Stewart's Top Two Sex Tips and Future Dildo Plans

Later, Clean Person Jolie Kerr, prominent user of the Kinja® blog-system, swung by to get Martha's take on some cleaning questions she gives her own take on in her new cleaning advice book. There was a question about "skidmarks" and a question about semen stains.

There was also a question about a dildo. Martha was like: "What's a dildo?"

Martha Stewart's Top Two Sex Tips and Future Dildo Plans

Kerr advised Stewart to ask her acquaintance Barbara Walters who recently revealed she is the proud owner of such a device, then went ahead and explained that a dildo is a thing 4 when u want 2 cum.

Martha was like: "Barbara and I have better things to talk about."

Martha Stewart's Top Two Sex Tips and Future Dildo Plans

Kerr thanked Martha for being a good sport to a fellow Barnard alumna.

Martha was like: "When I get my first dildo I'll look up some information."

Martha Stewart's Top Two Sex Tips and Future Dildo Plans

Then she asked a guy did his house burn down, then she was OUT.

[Image via Getty]