Once in a great while, we're treated to an e-mail so unbelievable in both its content and format that we bow down and thank the gods for having seen fit to invent the "forward" command. All you need to know, context-wise, is that Max Eisen is the embodiment of the past-his-prime theater publicist. (He handled "Light, Lively and Yiddish" in 1970!) Also, his assistant is the greatest hero America has ever seen. We've shorn the email of its un-bcc'd addresses, but the immense list includes pretty much anyone tangentially involved with theater, media, or New York. Bill Keller? David Remnick? Hilton Als? They all got it. We hope you'll enjoy it in the same way that homosexuals enjoy the company of other men.

Dear Friends, My name is David Archer I work for Max Eisen WAIT, before you delete this email please do me a favor and listen to me for a moment. I maybe young and not the sharpest talker in the world but I am trying to do my job in away that will make Max happy. We all know that Max is very old and that he is hanging on to his pride his love which is this business that I am trying to make work for him and me if I am honest. To be perfectly honest with you I don't know that much about being a good business man like Max but I do know a lot about making people happy and I would love to sent this man off the same way he felt when it really took off for him. You should see his face when he gets a call from one of you or a person drops by and see him, he's happy for the rest of the day. That makes me happy because when Max is not happy we know what he's like! He's like the lord when he's is preparing his bride for the rapture! A little bit Horny! (In a non sexual way.) I am asking nothing of you, but Max is asking something of me that I haven't got the heart to do. That's lie to him when you good people say that you don't want to be apart of anything he has to offer. You may not say it but you don't have to. He just wants to feel like he's living and not dying and I can imagine what that is like for him and maybe you can too, because we will all be feeling like life is being sucked out of us soon and maybe its about time we start putting it back into people. That's the way I'd like to go out, what about you? So if you can't make the show tell the MAN himself because otherwise I'm just going to keep calling you up! You can't make me feel like I'm dying because I already die with the lord but you can make me feel like I can't do this job when I know I am doing it already. Hope you see that I am not wanting anything from you but a call to say YES or a CALL to say NO not in so many words please. It is best to call Max after 2pm most days as he likes to read the paper and catch up on all the gossip, you can call me anytime 10am to 10pm most days. Best wishes to you all. P.s. I would appreciate it if this was kept between you and I but I am prepared to lose my job.

I am going to Eva del Barrio Friday as runs end on the 11th it would be nice to put a few faces to the names. By the way I am working on emailing releases to you but the contacts list is not up to scratch, what emails are good, who does what and who who, that sort of thing! I am a perfectionist you see and I like to start the way I mean to go on. If you can't make EVA then we have a great play called MURDER UNCENSORED on soon and the gals will love it as much as the gays love the boys!