McDonald's New Mascot Is Actually Scarier Than Ronald McDonald

As if it was not already pernicious enough of fast food chains to create mascots for your children to feel inclined to befriend their chicken nuggets, McDonald's has traded in the workaday skeeviness of Ronald McDonald for the nightmare-inducing Happy, a giant Happy Meal box with dentures that wants to eat you.

The new mascot — excuse me, brand ambassador — is supposed to help McDonald's usher in its new Go-GURT side option for its kids' meals, because nothing complements the salty breading of a McNugget quite like a plastic sleeve of sugar. Also, some garbage about living healthy. "Let's move," etc:

McDonald's today introduced "Happy," a new animated Happy Meal character that brings fun and excitement to kids' meals while also serving as an ambassador for balanced and wholesome eating.

Apparently, Happy has been terrorizing the dreams of children and searing its image into the minds of adults in other parts of the world for years now:

Happy is an animated McDonald's Happy Meal box who was first introduced in 2009 to children and families in France. Happy has since made its way to Latin America and other countries in Europe and is now set to make a grand entrance in the U.S. Happy is about bringing more fun and excitement to kids' meals, including eating wholesome food choices like low-fat yogurt.

Perhaps everyone and their children will be too frightened by Happy to ever eat at McDonald's again? Nope. Not as long as they have those fries. Those fries are fucking good.

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