In your magical Monday media column: Andy Rooney lives, Patch is a hard gig, Menupages sells for millions, Julian Assange lives the country life, and David Gergen lives getting naked with George Clooney.

• Stop your incessant letter-writing campaign, everyone, and breathe a big sigh of relief: 92 year-old crank Andy Rooney will be back on 60 Minutes next week. Why? Well, that I couldn't tell you.
• Patch.com's local editors: a bunch of suckers.
• New York Media Holdings has sold Menupages.com to food-ordering site Seamless for a cool $15 million. Humans like food!
• David Carr goes to visit Julian Assange on the English farm where he's currently staying. Takeaway: Julian Assange is not very talkative right about now.
• David Gergen, sourpuss-faced craven "political analyst" for CNN, has written a story in Parade Magazine in which he lovingly recounts stripping "down to [his] skivvies] to go diving into some lake, drunk, with George Clooney in Italy. Fuck off, David Gergen.