“Millennials are misunderstood,” says a new report on the financial proclivities of millennials. But are they?

My understanding of millennials would be: lazy, clueless, self-absorbed, looking at their phones, instead of living real life, not as good as other generations, bad, don’t know about money, can’t define what a “radio receiver” is or how it functions, don’t remember John F. Kennedy, and generally irresponsible. Is that so far “off the mark?” Not according to the results of this very study—which was produced by the Facebook company, better known to millennials as “I never put my ‘face’ in a real live hardback ‘book,’ what even is that?”

So what do millennials think about money, anyhow? Not a whole hell of a lot, my friend! Let me sum it up for you real easy.

WHAT THE REPORT SAYS: “Millennials are redefining financial success.”

BREAK IT DOWN: “The burden of debt weighs so heavily that Millennials have redefined financial success around it, with 46% saying that financial success means being debt free... Regardless of whether they currently own a credit card, 25% of Millennials describe credit cards as something that worsens their financial standing... But Millennials, not a generation to see the world in black and white, can also give credit its due. Millennials who do have credit cards very much see them as a strategic tool.”

These kids don’t know their ass from their elbows folks—any more than the Facebook would know J.D. Salinger if he walked right up and sat down in the “Free Latte Cafe” in their “office,” which probably resembles a jungle gym playland environment more than a place of business.

No one can even remember what millennials are at this point.

[Photo: Flickr]