Nerd Broville, a mesh-shorted seaside town with Call of Duty casinos and a high-speed party monorail, has a new Mayor. His name is Christian Reed, he's a member of MIT's Phi Beta Epsilon fraternity, and he has solved a problem that's plagued nerd bros for eons: the sticky balls (heh) and constant spillage (heh heh) that come along with those long, arduous nights of Olympic beer-pong feats.
The Formidable Beer Pong Table is an innovation from Reed's company, Outsmarting Technologies, that the mechanical engineer made last year, but that's recently received some very deserving attention. "Are you tired of playing beer pong on lame fold up tables?" Reed asks in his step-by-step guide to building your own FBPT™. "Or maybe tired of taking your friends door off the hinges every time you want to play?"
Or what about when you're playing flip cup at a really fancy dinner party and you go for that game-winning slam dunk, but then the table collapses and you get the hostess's pink Chanel suit covered in Natty Light? No? Just us?
In any case, Reed has us all covered:
Some of the many features include
- Dual Automatic Ball Washers
- Gutter Collection system on side to collect run off from table
- Illuminated Lettering and under table illumination
- Six lockable casters making table easily moved by one person
- Fully supported frame capable of withstanding impact of a 215 pounds individual
- Surface oak stained with beautiful waterproofing sealant covered with polyurethane
A far more impressive introduction to the table appears in the YouTube video above, a smooth-jazz masterpiece of homemade frat-bro porn. While the goofball in the belted khaki shorts showing off his best air-pong slam dunk is pretty good, the video's best part is the Phi Beta Ep brother wheeling in the table to show off its effortless mobility, while wearing a MY FRAT IS DOPE shirt. Must be the Sheriff of #Yolo County.