Looking to send her nerdy son off to Harvard in style, this helicopter parent to end all helicopter parents has taken to Craigslist's "casual encounters" section to seek a young woman who can help claim the "socially awkward" boy's virginity, and turn him into a "cool college kid."
The plan is simple: You, a 19 to 20-something seductress, pick up a pair of complimentary tickets to "some great concert," where your target, a handsome 18-year-old varsity cross country team member with "almost zero body fat" will be waiting unsuspectingly.
"Now you spring into action," the ad continues:
You start talking to him during the concert and eventually pick him up. Ask him to take you somewhere after and ditch your friends. Then you seduce him and take his virginity. Keep dating him (and showing him different sex positions) til he goes to college and then let him go gently so he'll have the confidence to date other girls once he's there.
There's a catch, of course: Whatever you do, don't fall in love.