New Crazy Conspiracy: Obama Is Taking Away Your Helicopter Defenses!

They've shoved health care down your throat, and they've tried to take your cows' freedom of movement away. What will Hussein Obummer and his commissars do next? He'll seize your state's attack choppers and leave you at the mercy of martial law, that's what. Wake up, sheeple!

In the annals of "free to be brain-free," see this gem of an Examiner ramble from their resident tinfoil hat reviewer, a patriotic conspiracy theory bubbling up from the fever swamps around a kernel of news that actually happened:

...the man who once vowed to run "the most transparent administration in history" has just rather inexplicably, ordered the U.S. Army to seize every Apache attack helicopter currently in use by the National Guard.

In all, the Defense Department will confiscate 192 Apaches from National Guard units around the country and give them to the active duty Army.

In fact, the DOD is cutting a lot more than 192 of the AH-64 Apache attack choppers; according to an actual Army aviation officer, the Pentagon is ridding itself of nearly 800 aging helicopters across the board, some dating back to Vietnam. It's a move that's anticipated to save $12 billion and help the force modernize in coming years.

But the National Guard Apaches are sticking in conspiracy nuts' craws especially hard. The financial savings are chump change to this deficit-loving socialist dictator! What's his real game? Let the smart folks tell you:

So, what could be another, more reasonable explanation?

The Apache, which began service in 1986, is armed with a 30 mm M230E1 Chain Gun (with 1,200 rounds), Hellfire anti-tank missiles, and 70 general-purpose 70 mm rockets. In short, it is capable of fending-off any enemy, foreign or domestic.

Obviously, these helicopters could pose a substantial obstacle to say, a tyrant drunk on his own power, with an army at his disposal.

This is not a more reasonable explanation. But do go on.

With the recent, attempted seizure of the Bundy family ranch in Nevada by more than 200 armed federal officers, including many snipers, we know that the Obama administration is not afraid to use force against the American people.

Except that none of the local and federal authorities involved in that bubba-convention last weekend actually used force. Far from it, they carefully backed away from armed civilian snipers like the crazy reckless asshole in this picture and let them have their day in the desert.

Furthermore, considering the unprovoked attacks and murders of U.S. citizens on their own property by federal agents, such as the Ruby Ridge and Waco massacres, we also know that the federal government has no problem suspending due process and using lethal force on its own citizens. Couple that with the as yet, unexplained, massive arms buildup by the Department of Homeland Security, and the National Defense Authorization Act which allows the feds to arrest and detain any U.S. citizen indefinitely without charges, and even the most establishment-minded American should be able to see what is coming.

There are a few governors around the country who would not stand for martial-law being arbitrarily declared by this or any president, but without any teeth (i.e. Apache attack helicopters) what could they use to stop Obama's tyranny?

Hmm, all this raises a good question, actually: What are Apache helicopters used for? For killing ground targets, mostly. We used them to spread so much 30-millimeter depleted-uranium freedom on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan:

Though the conspiracy theorist likes this firepower, it's not exactly clear to me what benevolent use a state governor might have for such a killing machine. He could use it against rogue federal agents or soldiers? Is that what we're going for here? Yes, that's it. THIS IS OUR LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST TYRANNY. Thank God the usurper-in-chief and his lackeys don't have anything that could stop an Apache.

Oh, for fuck's sake. We got anything that can stop that?

[Photo credit: U.S. Army]