New Donut-Egg-Bacon Fast Food Thing Is a Cronut For the 99%

The very wealthy have been enjoying the Cronut, which is a fancy pastry/donut thing that costs $40 if you can find a Cronut speculator on Craigslist to sell you one of the magical treats. But now the "other half" can have their own donut fad treat. It is a pile of scrambled eggs and bacon inside some glazed donuts.

The "other half" is actually the other 80% or 99% or whatever current percentage of the population is made up of Struggling Americans, so there is likely a very big market for the new Dunkin’ Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich. Do you see how this fast-food chain saves money by skipping the fancy trademarked make-believe name? This is no elitist Cronut or McRib, it is a simple American breakfast sandwich made of the three favorite non-Oxycontin/non-Sports Drink foods of the Working American: some cooked eggs full of salt and grease, some nitrate-soaked dead hog, and two entire glazed donuts.

Then again, Dunkin' Donuts may be doing a 1% "foodie play" based on this very bad marketing text:

4.) Do you see the culinary team further leveraging this savory/sweet combination moving forward?

Dunkin’ Donuts is driven by our customers and their wants and needs. We’ve seen the savory and sweet combination becoming more and more popular. Our Waffle Breakfast Sandwich and Sausage Pancake Bites were great starting points for delivering these flavor profiles. We want to help guests discover their love of combining sweet and savory, and I think the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is a great way to do that. If this trend continues, we’d love to explore more options to offer additional menu items with these flavor combinations.

Amazingly, this monstrosity packs only 360 calories, unless you also eat the paper wrapper, which contains another three ounces of liquified bacon fat.

The delightful savory-sweet invention goes on sale Friday, but some lucky future victims of heart disease say the Donut Egg Bacon Sandwich is already available at select outlets: