Worrying about death is bad enough, but now we must worry about who will write our obituaries when we die. This is because crazy obituaries are now officially a thing: if yours isn’t good enough to be shared by people online, well, you’re not only dead, but your life was boring as fuck.
The latest entry into the Obituary Hall of Fame is William Freddie McCullough of Bloomingdale, GA. He died on September 11 and, according to his obituary, he was quite the guy. Published in the Savannah Morning News on September 14, McCullough’s obit is most notable for its mention of the women “colorful” women he loved, including “Crazy Pam” and “Big Tittie Wanda”:
Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn't enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie's past. There isn't enough space in the Bloomingdale phone book. A few of the more colorful ones were Momma Margie, Crazy Pam, Big Tittie Wanda, Spacy Stacy and Sweet Melissa (he explained that nickname had nothing to do with her attitude). He attracted more women than a shoe sale at Macy's. He got married when he was 18, but it didn't last. Freddie was no quitter, however, so he gave it a shot two more times. It didn't work out with any of the wives, but he managed to stay friends with them and their parents.
McCullough, the man who hated vegetables and hypocrites, was killed when he “rushed into a burning orphanage to save a group of adorable children. Or maybe not.”
Freddy, I'll always cherish that magical weekend we spent "chasing gators" in September of '79. – Linda