Oh, the Iranity!

MORE RESEARCH!

What a coincidence. There are no homosexuals in Dungeons & Dragons, either.

Awesome description of the event from the Iranian state news agency:

"The audience on repeated occasion applauded Ahmadinejad when he touched on international crises."

[www2.irna.ir]

He's no Dane Cook. By which I mean, hey, actually he's slightly funny.

He has the delivery of a Persian Larry David.

Somehow that makes him sexier to me.

When did the ERA pass here?

well mahmoud, in the south we kiss our mothers on the mouth and not the hand. so...take that iran!

Yes, their homosexuals are a bit different from ours. American 'mos would not be caught dead in a chador. How could they do the Jazz Hands Jizz Down in that get-up?

The Ayatollahcrats!

So wait - if I move to Iran I don't have to pay taxes OR worry about whether that snappy dresser I just met is gay? Pack my bags - black really is the new black!

he is disgusting. as an iranian woman let me tell yu hes not so funny, unless you find ted bundy and hitler funny.

women are treated AMAZING IN IRAN

@Ha Ha Sound: Well, maybe not in edition 3.5. But in edition 4, there will be a whole new class called "The Gay Avenger". He's constantly surrounded by a cloud of glitter that gives him +3 bonus to Armour Class. Oh, and he rides a unicorn. And he gets +2 damage bonus against Iranians.

Women are free from legal responsibilities in Iran! Cool, now I know how I can get awy with defaulting on my student loans - I just need to move to Iran!

"We have no homosexuals in Iran. Oh, you mean men who prefer men? We call those political prisoners."

if by amazing you mean treated like dogs.

in iran being a woman IS a crime, a crime for which you are punishde by having minimal/no rights and having to cover youself up becasuse you hair may seduce men.

Don't get me started with the Hitler/Ted Bundy jokes.

He stikes me as brazenly provocative.

No smokers of the pole in Iran, yet he was benevolent enough to claim to have invented an herbal AIDS cure, which he then held hostage from the world in exchange for some really wacky shit that--let's face it--the world was never going to give him. Neg!

The jacket - Sand Tyrants "R" Us?

Everyone's a pitcher in Iran. Only catchers are gay.

Note to self: All you have to do is wear a snazzy suit and deadpan some possibly ironic jokes and people will totally forget to discuss things like this:

[www.towleroad.com]

He was at Lucky Cheng's last night for dinner. Had us in stitches when he took off the gray suit and went for the full feather-and-make-up-General-Assembly effect.

@depardoo: Instead of Foxymorons, we'd have Oxymurderers?

Hitler ate at Babbo last Saturday. He ordered the lobster agnolotti with non-kosher salt.

Ah... mad, in e jad ed kind of way- "There are no homosexuals because no one has sex for purposes other than procreation in Iran, so how could there be?"

No one in Iran is left-handed either. It's science.

@Pope John Peeps II:

And when Ted Bundy walked in, Hitler quipped "Good luck with your demons".

@Loveontherocks: Let's not be silly. Women in Iran have equal rights as men, aside from the requirement to cover up their hair and body, which has been more and more relaxed in the past ten years, (much like any rule made by tired old men against young teenage girls). Women are actively involved in all parts of Iranian civil society. Hell, there's more women in Iranian universities than men.

I'm not saying the patriarchy there isn't a bitch, but don't say shit like "in iran being a woman IS a crime." That's ridiculous. You might as well say Iran has no gays.

And there's always the stoning. Why didn't he talk about the benefits of stoning?

Tehran is known for having the only hetero fashion industry in the world is I think what he really meant. Somewhere in the middle east, his uniform gray suit designer is wearing a rejected sheer scarf and blogging about what a bitch his boss "Moody" is.

A female aquaintance of ours spent some time in Iran, and (coincidentally) spoke the language. She said the men all constantly talked about her, running the full barage of suggestions, descriptions etc... Then when she politely asked them if they would talk like that in front of their mother and they realized she spoke Arabic, they would turn bright red and start stammering out bad apologies.
If that's not respect, I just don't know what is.

@gingirl: Stoning is a phenomenal anti-aging treatment.

Why do I have the sinking feeling that, when this knob finally does put on a tie, it'll be around his forehead?

@The Real JR: Best Larry David joke ever:

"You know why I respect Hitler, he didn't take shit from magicians"

It was just a case of mistranslation. What he meant was, there aren't any homosexuals that the government knows about. Otherwise they'd be dead...

On Sunday, November 13, the semi-official Tehran daily Kayhan reported that the Iranian government publicly hung two men, Mokhtar N. (24 years old) and Ali A. (25 years old), in the Shahid Bahonar Square of the northern town of Gorgan.

The government reportedly executed the two men for the crime of "lavat." Iran's shari'a-based penal code defines lavat as penetrative and non-penetrative sexual acts between men. Iranian law punishes all penetrative sexual acts between adult men with the death penalty. Non-penetrative sexual acts between men are punished with lashes until the fourth offense, when they are punished with death. Sexual acts between women, which are defined differently, are punished with lashes until the fourth offense, when they are also punished with death.

If this is respect Ike Turner should be leading NOW

Iran's penal code is strongly influenced by interpretations of Islam that favor men over women. Some examples:

• Girls are considered adults at the age of 9, can be tried as an adult in a criminal court and are liable to receive the death penalty for murder. Boys become adults at 15.

• If a man and a woman are injured in an accident, the man gets double the punitive damages.

• Although the legal age of marriage for a girl is 13, a father can make her marry earlier with court permission.

• Mothers may not act as the financial guardians of their children or make decisions regarding their children's residence, foreign travel or medical care. Women need permission from a father or husband to travel.

• Men have uncontested rights to divorce their wives, and may practice polygamy. Polygamy is believed to be rare in urban areas and more prevalent among the poor and rural.

• Women receive half the inheritance of men.

• If a man dies childless, the totality of the inheritance goes to his parents, not his wife.

• Women can be stoned to death for adultery. Nine women are in jail sentenced to stoning death. The sentence has been carried out once since 1998.

@Itsjustcatnip: Weirder still is that they were speaking Arabic in Iran!

@gingirl: Stoning is just another form of exfoliation.

@Itsjustcatnip:
I thought they speak Farsi in Iran? The rest of your story is awesome, though.

@oudemia:
Jinx!

@Itsjustcatnip: I hate to be pedantic (woops, too late!), but if it's really Arabic your friend speaks (not Farsi), then we're likely talking about a whole 'nother set of (historically misogynistic) people.
That is, not Iranians.

@ModestProposal:

Of course, penetrative sex with a camel is considered fabulous.

@oudemia: @LadybirdRamone:
Learn to refresh, Mantooth!

Iran is a paradise for women compared to Saudi Arabia. But of course, them's our friends, so we don't care.

Maybe he meant there aren't any homosexuals in Iran right now, because they're still heading back from Fashion Week.

this wasn't the upfront for Cavemen?
oh.

correct me if i'm wrong, but it looks like dude's got a counterclockwise whorl.

"We respect our women. If she is raped, we stone her to death so she doesn't set a bad example for God's other beauteous creatures. But we only choose the most beautiful stones in which to smash her pretty little head in."

@josh speed: Who knew? I've heard that being buried up to your neck is also great for the skin.

@SarahHeartburn: Isn't that what acid is for?

My childhood best friend's father moved back there a few years ago (to Iran). Why? Because he is a religious fanatic. He used to tell her that her cat was responsible for the family's 'bad luck' and would threaten to kill or get rid of it. What's he doing now? Last she heard he was teaching English and sleeping with one of his under 20 students. He's in his mid to upper 60s. I often wonder if he ever knew I was Jewish, as I was over there a lot as a kid. My friend keeps considering going out to visit him, but unless she can go with her other Persian friend I always try to talk her out of it. Getting back might be shaky, they often hold you there and won't let you leave without cause.

@ModestProposal: well, thank god someone's maintaining the traditions of western civilization.
i'm sure the only reason the bible-thumping right of america is pissed is because they're just jealous that iran's managed to maintain an unbroken timeline of women as possessions.

When Bush does his Q&A before an academic audience, I'm sure he'll set the record straight. And he'll wear a tie. Like real ranchers do.

For a huge laugh, go to Drudge and click on the story that links to Iran's official website. Their take on what happened at Columbia is hilarious, especially about how the university's president graciously praised him. Parallel universes.