Gawker
Each Monday, Intern Alexis uses a rigorous scale to rank the happy pair-bonds cemented in the Times wedding announcements. But surely, the Times can't contain all the nuptial bliss to be experienced in the metro area. Ergo, the Post's weddings section, where the couples require a more flexible scale that can take into consideration differences in, say, life experience, and body type.
This week, we meet a lot of foreigners, and among them discover one couple so confident in their longevity that they're planning a follow-up wedding in Japan that will take place a few years down the line. Click through for this week's scores, along with a bit of pee humor, some Chinese food, and one pair of jobbers who really shouldn't have come across to this side of the tracks.
Luis Teixeira and Esther Silva
Total: 32.5
Kelli Ann Beshai and William Stromnes
Total: 35.5
Served "chive-wrapped fusion duck rolls and autumn squash bisque" at the wedding reception: -5
Total: -45 (What, the New York Times didn't have room for you? Oh wait, THEY DID. Turns out "Jedediah" went to Harvard for astronomy and astrophysics, sang in an a cappella group called the fucking Krokodiloes, and played Rod McAllister in Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Stay in your lane, you goddamn purples!)
Angela Hsiao and Ryan Paul
Total: -17.5
Total: 25
Winner: Kelli Ann and William and their delightful seashell salt shakers, though Luis and Esther came close. On a related note: how much better would it be if newspapers did this for divorces? Something to think about, editors.
