Gawker: Alyssa Shelasky

A Gawker Thanksgiving

Joshua Stein — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 17:00:26 EST

Every year Gawker commenter and ad sales guy (and the best argument for abolishing the divide between editorial and advertising) LolCait has a super special Thanksgiving in his mind. There all of his and your favorite characters meet and dreams come true. This year Laurel Touby hosts.

Like it or not, the holidays are upon us. I'm sure when you were stumbling home in the wee morning hours of November 1st in your slutty Madeline Albright costume, you saw the shopkeepers ripping down witches and vampires and putting up pictures of a fat old man who breaks into your house and tries to woo your children with toys. But there's also that other holiday in between, that one dedicated to an afternoon spent face-down on the shag carpet, woozy from tryptophan and big-bottle wine. A time when you listen to and look at your family and wonder "Who are these people??" I was thinking about this the other day and, in the immortal words of Mr. Ed: later that night, I got to thinking. I've decided we'll have a new Thanksgiving. A Gawker Thanksgiving. It's so corny! I know! But, I get sentimental this time of year.

So. How will this work? I think we'll start with the location. Naturally Laurel Touby, founder of MediaArby's, will be our "cyber hostess." (Ugh.) We'll all meet sometime around noon. Julia Allison will bring her darling dog Lilly and Jakob Lodwick will bring his darling fashion lenses. Tinsley Mortimer will arrive wearing an old, soiled Santa suit and just blink confusedly at everyone. (She'll disappear for much of the night, only to be found in the backyard, stuck in a bear trap.) Kristian Laliberte will arrive with his new boyfriend, Elijah Pollack. They'll be so in love! (Later, during dinner, Anna Wintour will lean in close, her breath reeking of gin and clamato juice, purring into your ear "Aren't they just divine together? They're like Paul Newman and Katherine Ross in Butch Cassidy. Except, you know, gay and, um, young.") John Fitzgerald Page will come crashing through the foyer in his Beemer, Eiffel 65's "Blue" blasting loudly, and shove a sweaty bucket of fried chicken into Laurel's hands. Then, just as we think all the guests have arrived, we'll hear a strange hum, a demonic orchestra tuning. As the whole house rumbles, Sean Hannity will shriek, jumping up and down and clapping his hands, "Rupey is here!" Mr. Murdoch will disembark his flaming humpback whale nuclear stagecoach and shove a sweaty Judith Regan into Laurel's feather boa.

James Lipton will utter a dinner bell clarion call from deep within his diaphragm, and all the guests will be seated at the long oak table. There will be a beautiful centerpiece fashioned out of the rawhide remains of Jocelyn Wildenstein's face. The feast will consist of many bottles of Coppola Vineyards wine, PinkBerry soufflés, and turducken. Robert Olen Butler will be the first to get drunk and hurl recriminations at people. "Elizabeth!!" he'll shout across the table at Jann Wenner, "No one poops in South America! It wasn't a sign! It was nature!!" Chris Crocker will defuse the awkward situation by stripping down to his skivvies and doing an old-style fan dance/Britney Spears hyper-sexual mash-up that erotically incorporates Janet Robinson's famous green bean casserole. ("It's the fried onions that really make it work," he'll say in a post-performance YouTube interview with himself.)

Once all are sated and sufficiently boozed up, plates will be cleared by Laurel's faithful butler, Neel Shah. Then, it's on to charades! Mandy Stadtmiller will start. She will pantomime long walks on beaches and summers spent murmuring on porch swings about the big, bright future. In mere seconds team partner Alyssa Shelasky will shriek "SuperPreppy!!" Commenter KarenUhOh, who has been quietly assessing the legal ramifications of all this, will dryly deadpan: "I thought the category was real people." Mandy will run out of the room weeping and farting, having had her hideous secret revealed. Graydon Carter will be next. He will act out a strange series of lilts and affectations, and Lizzie Grubman will yell with delight "Spike! Spike! It's your little fey creature of a son!" A few more rounds will come and go, and of course it will end in a tie and all will be smugly satisfied with their own accomplishments.

The rest of the evening will be devoted to that most revered and corny of Thanksgiving traditions, the actual giving of thanks. The list of thanks will be long and varied. Selected highlights will be:

Tionna Tee Smalls: The film Ishtar
NewToJezebel: Jewish people.
Jeffrey Epstein: Those High School Musical: The Ice Tour tickets he managed to score.
Christopher Hitchens: Religion and Bic razors.
Atoosa Rubenstein: The well-meaning gypsies who style her and, in a bold extension of an olive branch, the Omega Kitties.
Senator Larry Craig: Feet, and a willful spirit.
Josh Schwartz and the rest of the Gossip Girl team: Blacks and Asians.

And, finally, the yoga stick of thanks will be passed to yours truly. And your friend LolCait will say this:

"I find the word 'thanks' inadequate, or even inappropriate. 'Thanks' implies expectation, a resigned 'Phew! Of course these good things were coming after all.' So I'm not thankful, I'm grateful. Things of late seem pretty awful and, truth is, I've Done Nothing During The War, and yet some good things keep coming to me. Six months into my participation in this bizarre social experiment, it is quite baffling to have found both silly entertainment and keen insight on this most cold and unfeeling internet. So I am grateful for a strange new home, for precarious new friendships."

All will be quiet for a moment, and then I will fall down, completely drunk. I will be scooped up by the ever-friendly Josh Ferris (swoon!) and taken from the room.

The night will end as nights do, with sloppy hugs and prolonged, slurred goodbyes. Dear James Kurisunkal will be passed out in the broom closet, spooning a snoring Spencer Pratt, who will still be in his 'Vincent from the Beauty and the Beast television series' Halloween costume. (Or is it a costume??) Ira Glass will dejectedly try to coax Merry Miller into his cab. The Gawker editors will wander off into the night, a bottle of champagne shared between them (with a pour to the sidewalk, remembering Balks, Shafrirs, Spiers, Oxfelds, and others long gone.) Nick Denton will open his umbrella and float whimsically away into the purple night sky. And I will ramble off, thinking of puns and light bulb jokes for the next week. But, before I turn the corner, I will feel a tap on my shoulder. "Don't be alarmed," a voice will say. "It's only me, Douglas." I'll messily grin at him, this most famous of Queens landlords, and say "Oh Douglas. I'm not alarmed. I'm just grateful... Just wonderfully, queasily grateful."

Douglas will shrug his shoulders and walk away, headed off to yuk it up with Michelle and Emily, happy to have been included at all.

"Who are all those strange people?" Patrick Moberg will ask as he stands on the stoop and watches this all unfold. "I don't know," his new wife Camille will respond, robotically petting his arm.

"I've only just met them."

How are women like former Glamour blogger ...

Choire — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 17:35:04 EDT

How are women like former Glamour blogger and current People scribe Alyssa Shelasky destroying feminism? By sending out change of contact emails that say things like "I can't figure out how to order a Time Inc blackberry. Me and corporate America are not exactly bff....!" OMG LOL you two are so not but let's go talk about it over manicures and then rehash "The Hills" okay? God, my mother would strangle her with one hand.

Can Magazines Possibly Get As Sleazy As The Internet?

Choire — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 09:40:44 EDT

"Ink-on-paper magazines" are having a "long slow sunset," according to Felix Dennis, fun-loony former Maxim owner—but they're not making up the cash on the web, in part because publishers just won't lower their standards far enough. Time Inc., the Economist says, "has stuck to its big magazine brands with People.com and with SI.com, its website for Sports Illustrated. The price, competitors say, is that Time Inc cannot do the sort of sarcastic, bitchy celebrity gossip that people like on the internet for fear of tarnishing the brand of People, and therefore cedes first place for entertainment to TMZ.com (also owned by Time Warner), which excels at it." Well, that doesn't mean they're not gonna try to take on TMZ! After all, not only did People hire Alyssa Shelasky, Glamour's former dippy blogette, they hired David Caplan, the mad ungenius behind the now-defunct 24Sizzler, the worst celebugoss site to ever tarnish the internots. So surely they're up to some secret standard-lowering project?

We hear that Alyssa Shelasky, former Glamour ...

Choire — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:40:44 EDT

We hear that Alyssa Shelasky, former Glamour blogger, has a new job! She's over at People magazine now.... writing about FILM. Heh. Seriously, she has got to be sooooo overqualified for that after all that time she spent blogging about her love life!

What Really Happened in Amagansett This Weekend

Joshua Stein — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 17:00:26 EDT

What follows is like aversion therapy for those who might want to go to the Hamptons. On Saturday night in Amagansett, as Jessica Coen reported today at New York mag, the sundry foodie blogging glitterati gathered for a burger cook-off. Coen was there to support her man Lockhart Steele, our (and her!) former boss at this very website. She looks really happy. That "typical summer share house" was Eater honcho Ben Leventhal's, and it is called "Southfork." Julia Allison was there too! She was cozying up with College Humor's Jakob Lodwick. Later they would have a huge knock-down drag-out fight but then go on to make up. Former Glamour blogger and Gawker enemy Alyssa Shelasky was munching on Doritos poolside, as was weirdly attractive photographer Jessica Craig-Martin. Hampton's Style editor Deb Schoeneman was there, as was College Humor millionaire and (coincidence!) Hampton's Style Contributing Editor Ricky Van Veen. His pictures can be found here; the one above is the only one of Julia Allison topless, just to save you time searching.

One of the burger competitors (and sharemate with Leventhal) was Mo Koyfman, who kind of serves as a chaperone to College Humor on behalf of their boss, Barry Diller. It's weird that he was grilling cheeseburgers, since he's supposedly kosher. Anyway, he lost.

Schoeneman even brought her gay albino housecleaner Marco, who cleaned during the party. Momofuku's David Chang was there with Frankie's Spuntino owner Frank Falcinelli as a judge, as was Peter Meehan of the Times. Ken Friedman of the Spotted Pig showed up too late to judge anything. This girl I went to N.Y.U. with was there and now she is married to Bob Vila's son, Chris. That made me feel old. [Ed. Note: Jesus Christ, you're like 12, Josh.]

That goofy-looking actor from 30 Rock, Lonny Ross, was there with his cute girlfriend. And though the party was first reported on New York magazine's Grub Street, its editor Josh Ozersky was noticeably absent, or not-invited. Chalk that up to the fact that David Chang and a few of the other attendees absolutely hate him.

[Photo: Ricky Van Veen/Flickr]

Alyssa Shelasky's 'Glamour' Fans Have Abandonment Issues

Emily Gould — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 18:10:54 EDT

So Alyssa Shelasky's old Glamour blog "Alyssacentric" is now being written by a dude who says things like "You know how they say you live and learn? Well, the same be could be said about loving—you love and you learn." And, like ants whose queen just got squished under the sole of someone's Havaiana, the commenters are scrambling around bumping into things and making little high-pitched squeaks of pain. "She's been cheating on us for MONTHS!" ejaculates workoffiction, while LORIKNOWS responds with a more tempered, "Speechless.. kind of. At least we get to see what she's up too [sic]." But Rubykix7's comment is perhaps the most poignant: "I'm sad. I wrote her an e-mail on myspace and she didn't respond. Guess she's too busy." You know, sometimes, Rubykix7, you love and you learn.

Alyssa Shelasky Is Still Blogging Up The Internet

Emily Gould — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 13:50:27 EDT

We thought we'd seen the last of Scary Sadshaw extraordinaire Alyssa Shelasky when she abandoned her post as a Glamour.com blogger. "You'll have someone new to write about soon. Lucky them," Alyssa told us then. Little did we suspect, though, that we would also have someone old to write about still: Alyssa herself. She's continuing to document her Hamptons-partying lifestyle in her trademark special way, now under the auspices of Hampton Style, which is helmed this summer by the increasingly sundamaged Deborah Schoeneman. "The music was pumping, the models were mesmerizing, and the crowd was the ultimate 'it' clique," Alyssa wrote of a recent bash. We missed you, girl!

Vanessa Carlton and Other Superheroes [Hampton Style]

Contributing editors at Deb Schoeneman's ...

Doree Shafrir — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 12:58:56 EDT

Contributing editors at Deb Schoeneman's Hampton Style: sometime Times travel writer Julia Chaplin, Lucky and Paper and Time Out vet Kristina Dechter, UK Observer New York contributor Edward Helmore, former "Topic A With Tina Brown" gal and Radar contributor Sarah Horne, photographer Noah Kalina, Eater king Ben Leventhal, celeb photog'er Patrick McMullan, former High Times editor Annie Nocenti, Daily Candy lass Pavia Rosati, former Glamour blogger Alyssa Shelasky, College Humor honcho Ricky Van Veen, pothead socialite Arden Wohl, Deb's former Observer co-worker Alexandra Wolfe. No wonder everyone loves it so much. [Hampton Style/The Beach]

When A Boy Does A Girl Job

Emily Gould — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:35:31 EDT

Well, it happened. Glamour found someone even more special than our old pal Alyssa Shelasky to blog for them. And: it's a boy! Here is a sampling of his deep thots. "But I won't let the breakup get me down. I am an eternal optimist. If I've learned one thing teaching in South Central Los Angeles, it's that a positive attitude is priceless. As my mother always says, 'If one door closes, two will open.' Thanks, Mom! Am I a victim of some false romantic notion? It doesn't bode well that Hollywood can't even get happy endings right. And worst of all: Am I destined to look like Vince while she gets off looking like Jen? Where have all the happy endings gone? Is there such thing as a happy breakup?" Did he mention that he is a teacher? Oh, he did! Yes, he is an ENGLISH TEACHER. Bury the rag deep in your face, for now is the time for your tears.

Where's My Happy Ending? [Malelyssa]

Alyssa Shelasky Quits Blogging

Emily Gould — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 14:40:05 EDT

"Maybe I'm just too good at being single. Maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship. Who knows, maybe I grew up watching too many soaps. These are things I ask myself when I wonder why, after all my relationships, hot dates and hookups, I'm still so single," wrote Glamour specialblogger Alyssa Shelasky in August of 2006. One year and several gallons of Cosmos and a thousand mockings from us later, she's no longer wondering—at least, not professionally. In response to our query, she writes, "Hey, Emily. It's true, I'm going to be working on other projects. The blog isn't going away, there's a guest blogger for the summer, so no worries, you'll have someone new to write about soon. Lucky them. xx." Uh, I just teared up a little?

Alyssa Shelasky Doesn't Know Good Sex And Is Afraid To Ask

Emily Gould — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 17:20:42 EDT

Glamour developmentallydisabledblogger Alyssa Shelasky may be out in the sultry Hamptons, but as discussed, she's working her core, not her "core." What to do, then? Well, turn to the mailbag. Because there, some poor soul is actually soliciting Alyssa's advice about what to do when a dude is a dud in the ol' bedroom-region!

"He doesn't turn me on - period. I don't exactly "fake it," but we don't really talk about it either. I guess I should teach him what I like and all that, but I honestly think it boils down to a lack of sexual chemistry. I don't want to break up with him, but I'm also not going to settle for a bad-sex relationship. Besides totally emasculating him, and telling him that I really don't enjoy fooling around with him, is there anything else I can do???" The correct answer: "No, dump him!" does not occur to Ms. Having A Man is The Point Of Life, of course. No, here is her advice, in its entirety: "Oh girl. You are certainly not alone—it happens!" Um. MAYBE TO YOU.

Not Hot, Not Bothered, Not Okay [Alyssa]

Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind

Emily Gould — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 12:30:49 EDT

Curious about what's going on in Glamour tardblogger Alyssa Shelasky's Hamptonsy lifestyle? Look no further than her latest work of blogcraft, which is about how she is focusing less on spinning and more on working her core. Omg, what?? Here's how it begins: "Tried a new workout today. It's called Core Fusion—and it focuses on, well, your core. At first I didn't like it. I was surrounded by a bunch of soccer moms (aka MILFS) and they made me a little uncomfortable. I missed the young, energized, eccentric spin crowd. But it got better. After a few stretches I could feel my muscles responding really positively. I've been spinning so much that it felt incredible to push other parts of my body. It also felt nice to exercise without absolutely killing myself. No matter how many spinning classes I take, I'm still in screaming pain during some of those climbs. With that said, another perk with freelancing is the ability to take care of myself like this. I'll never take that for granted." Are you sitting down? Cause that's not all.

While I'm not losing weight from all this exercise (that's not my goal, anyways), [Ed: OKAYYYY???] I have to say, my body feels better than ever. Very empowering. One funny thing though, since working-out has become such a big part of my life, I tend to invite anyone and everyone along. Yes, I'm that girl who makes her weekend guests wake up at 7am for "Beach Boot Camp," or something obsessive like that. Anyway, lately I've lured a few guys into spin class with me. (Men love the concept of spinning — they think they'll be surrounded by sex-deprived, calorie-counting women, and that the class will be easy and they'll look like heroes. Wrong!) Some of these guys are friends, some are healthy competitors and a few are flirtatious crushes. With all the intermingling of boys and sweat and heavy breathing, there's something totally ridiculous I need help with. I'm embarrassed to ask, but I cannot find a way to look cute while I work out. My hair frizzes, my mascara runs and I am absolutely drenched after like, one sit-up. Does anyone have any secrets to looking sexy at the gym? I know I shouldn't care. But I do! I just do.

Well, Alyssa. That makes one of us.

Introducing My Core [Alyssa]

The Beach Makes Alyssa Shelasky Do Extreme Things

Emily Gould — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 17:40:36 EDT

"The beach" is Glamour tardblogger Alyssa Shelasky's excuse for this outfit, which she describes as "a Southern runaway, like, Juliette Lewis/Natural Born Killers. Fine, my costume made no sense. Just wanted an excuse to wear fake eyelashes, Jessica Simpson extensions (my hair is shoulder length again), and a skanky black bra." The second extreme thing Alyssa is doing is a mistake we have made before: having one's photo taken alongside Julia Allison, whose skin is coated with a special compound that makes every photograph of her look like it came from Us Weekly and which makes anyone standing near her look like a smeary-eyelinered troll. Oh, and here's something else extreme: "My sister is almost done with her teaching year, so she'll be here causing trouble with me soon. I've actually met some guys who would be better for her than me. I've even semi-dated one or two! Have you and your sibs ever exchanged guys/girls? Would that freak a guy out? Actually, it would probably turn them on. Men!" JESUS CHRIST, ALYSSA.

Good To Be Bad [Alyssa]

Alyssa Shelasky Needs To Learn To Be "A Better Bitch"

Emily Gould — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 16:45:33 EDT

When last we checked in on Glamour's resident navelgazeologist Alyssa, she was anticipating a summer of fun in the Hamptons tainted only by a mild worry that she might run into an old enemy. Luckily, it seems she's done nothing lately but make new friends! Hedge fund friends! "Older" friends! Friends who, when they see the way Alyssa's characterized her interactions with them on her bloggyblog, might not find themselves feeling quite so friendly!

There was a seated dinner where my girlfriends and I were strategically separated (I guess the point was to make new friends — a little intense!). After our unbelievable lamb and couscous, I ended up mingling with a few gentlemen from my table. I wasn't interested in them romantically or anything, but I felt rude ditching them after an hour of dining together. However, since I couldn't really escape, I never had a chance to fully scope out the scene (I wanted the cute bartenders more than the billionaires!). My friend detected the "I'm cornered!" look more than once, and came to my rescue when she could. Eventually, she said I need to learn to be a better bitch. It sounds awful(!), right?

She closes by asking "In the future, what's the best way to 'blow a guy off' without being too mean? We'd suggest omitting the "off" from your query, Alyssa, if you're looking for more free "unbelievable" lamb and couscous in your future.

Just Another Arabian Night [See Alyssa Date]
Related: Dear 'Glamour' Blogger Alyssa Shelasky: You Could Stand To Learn A Thing Or Two About The 'Edgy' English Language... [Jezebel]

Neel Shah Loves Cougars

Emily Gould — Wed, 30 May 2007 17:08:00 EDT

On the CBS Early Show this morning, our former Intern Neel pandered to the aged contingent of voters who may yet still make him Glamour magazine's next "Jake" advice columnist. Neel likes being with older women because "it's a different experience." He went on to clarify that "it's not something you experience on a regular day to day basis." Yeah, we hear it's more like every other day.

Alyssa Shelasky's Worst Enemy Besides Herself

Emily Gould — Thu, 17 May 2007 10:36:42 EDT

"I'm starting to get self conscious," writes Glamour Alyssa Shelasky on the blog where she scrutinizes every aspect of herself regularly. Today's reason for Alyssa's self consciousness? Alyssa has just found out that her "one enemy" is going to be living just down the street from her in Southampton this summer. Said enemy "once did something unforgivable" to her. Ooh, details please! "I trusted her with something incredibly personal, and she used it to (try to) ruin me! And that's putting it nicely." Will whoever this is please out herself ASAP? We'd like to be your friend. —Emily

Tough Enough? [Alyssacentric]

When It Rains, It Pours For Alyssa Shelasky

Emily Gould — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 17:30:20 EDT

FYI, Glamour dating blogger Alyssa Shelasky has been profoundly affected by recent tragic events, including the storms that have ravaged the East Coast and the violent deaths of the 32 victims of the Virginia Tech shooter. Profoundly.

What is up with the world.
This city is just settling down after the wettest day in New York history since 1977. Everyone looks sticky, sickly and stressed-out. Both my new apartment, and my parent's [sic] building, had flooding issues. The whole gang was up most of the night dealing with one thing or another. I was so consumed with towels and buckets that I didn't even turn on the news till noon, when I learned about the Virginia Tech tragedy. Awful. There are no words.
Also, not that my love-life has anything to do with such unspeakable events, but.... I'm single again.
Just so you know.

Stormy Everything [Alyssa]

Alyssa Shelasky Has Betrayed Her Tribe

Doree Shafrir — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 18:20:20 EDT

So Glamour dating blogger Alyssa Shelasky dropped a bit of a bomb on her loyal readers the other day: She's seeing someone! She's actually in a real, live relationship, and so she's been blogging more about her life—buying an apartment in New York with her sister, you know, the usual—and her audience is really upset. Turns out a dating blogger's life is pretty boring when she's not writing about dating.

One commenter writes:

Four days ago, in the March 11th post you said there was no one to write home about. I don't exactly understand how in the past four days, a few of them being in Austin, you have met a guy, had dinner with him and your father, and feel too taken to flirt with the hot chef. I'm not trying to be mean, I just feel a little bit lied to. I stand by your right to blog less about your personal life, but I also didn't think you would lie to us. It's not that I'm dying to hear all about him (I mean, of course I'd like to know something about him, but maybe that isn't possible), it's that i feel like we get up everyday and read your blog, and the least you can do is be honest about what is going on in your life. You don't need to say anything about him if you dont want to, but don't tell us you are painfully single when in reality something is becoming a little more serious. Don't make us think that you are not blogging at all about boys because you aren't seeing any, when in reality you just aren't going to say much of anything about them ever. I'm not trying to be a b*tch, and I know this job is so hard, but the blog isn't going to be fun and stimulating, regardless of what it's about, if we feel like you are saying that you are single and then four days later there is some mystery guy meeting your dad and stealing your heart.

Seriously! Are we supposed to be, like, happy for her?

Stealing Top Chef [See Alyssa Date]

Earlier: The Only Thing Worse Than Being On Gawker Is Not Being On Gawker

Dating Blogger Alyssa Shelasky Hates Attention

Emily Gould — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 18:30:43 EST

You'd think that writing a blog about her sex life for Glamour magazine called "See Alyssa Date" might qualify Alyssa Shelasky as an extrovert. Alas, this isn't the case. Alyssa just want all those prying eyes to go away! Especially when the prying eyes are, um, ours.

When Gawker posted some snarky stuff about me, months ago, I literally hid in the movie theater all day long until it went away. I saw like 5 flicks in a row just because I couldn't deal. I hated every second of being on that thing (I don't know how my friend Julia Allison does it). That's probably another reason I have disproportionate compassion for the Britneys of the world...even though I'm completely unknown, being famous sounds like torture to me.

We're sure your friend Julia Allison feels the exact same way, Alyssa.

Earlier: Alyssa Shelasky Submits To Hellish 'Glamour' Blog Concept

Remainders: PopoZo We Knew You Not

Jessica — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 19:00:33 EDT

• Hey, got a second? Good, take a seat. We've got some distressing news for you, so brace yourself: Kevin Federline's unforgettable first single, "PopoZ o," will not be included on his debut album. We don't understand it either. It's just too soon to see something so great die; sob... [Idolator]
• At a book party he hosted for Arianna Huffington, former Viacom CEO Tom Freston threw FishbowlNY blogger Dylan Stableford out of his apartment. Aw. Jim Kelly would NEVER do that! [FishbowlNY]
• GQ editor leaves in favor of being in charge of big boobs at Penthouse. [Radar]
• Speaking of Huffington: if there were only 24 hours before the End of the World, she would blog. Someone get this lady outside, please. [92Y]
• Meet Dethroner, the smart boy blog from Gawker Media alum Joel Johnson, formerly of Gizmodo and performer of other ass-saving duties around HQ. [Dethroner]
• If the boys at Maxim, who'd fuck a rotten cantaloupe if given the chance, find Nancy Grace "unboinkable," you know it's time to put the old gal down. [Maxim]
• The Upper East Side property blown to pieces by Dr. Nicholas Bartha Bartha will be selling for $8 million million. [NY Sun]
• Should Glamour dating blogger have text-sex with a stranger in Iceland? Or should she fuck one of the seventeen other dudes she's publicly playing? [See Alyssa Date]
• Hey, did you hear about blogs? They're good for business. Seriously, if we have to read one more article like this, we're going to smash in every newspaper editor's face with our laptops. [WSJ]
• Jessica Joffe's reign of terror for Banana Republic comes to an end, letting media freaks return to buying overpriced merino without having to see her flaming red hair at every turn. [WWD (2nd item)]

Dating Blog Infects Redbook

Chris Mohney — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 12:45:24 EDT

I mean, theoretically, I have nothing against dating more than one guy at a time, at least in the beginning, I've just never done it. And let's be honest, dating means "sleeping with" and that's just kind of, well, icky.

Emily Listfield, Redbook's new "Sex and the Single Mom" blogger.

I have two back-to-back dates tonight!

Alyssa Shelasky, Glamour's "See Alyssa Date" blogger.

Compare and contrast — it's MILF vs. smurf. Hard to tell how well each of these sexbloggers reflects their magazines' readership, but Listfield comes with an intriguing backstory; she's a former editor at Self and Fitness turned novelist whose husband, sculptor George Dudding, disappeared during a nighttime swim in 1999. Now she's just looking for an occasional guilt-free grope. Then there's Shelasky, who, you know, "dates" a lot of guys. And she's going to the Playboy Mansion! Icky.

Sex and the Single Mom [Redbook via FishBowlNY]

If Only We Could Rescue Alyssa Shelasky and Set Her Free, Free to Hump at Will

Jessica — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 16:20:46 EDT

It's come to our attention that Glamour's fearless dating blogger Alyssa Shelasky, whose job requires her to navigate the single-girl waters based on the results of reader polls, was offended by some of our earlier posts. Let's be clear: we have no ill will towards Alyssa and think her column pic is kind of cute. If we seem "bitter," it's because we don't know where to buy that grey tube top (seriously, the loose fit is so crucial after had a few beers. Bloated!).

But Alyssa's gig? Scary. So far, Shelasky's readers have made her tell a guy she'd rather do his friend; now they've decided that she shouldn't let her ex come visit for Labor Day, thus preventing her from enjoying a comfortable reunion fuck. Today she's asking whether or not a 23-year-old guy is too young for her (she's 29); no doubt midwestern readers will show Alyssa no cougar love and again deny her the opportunity to get laid. And that's just not right.

So let's be clear: our animosity is not intended for Alyssa nor her romantic pursuits. Our hostility is ultimately towards the Conde Nast system, which has lured Alyssa into its plush prison, and the Glamour readers who choose to make this woman miserable. And maybe a little towards ourselves, for being totally obsessed with this mess.

From One Scandal to the Next [Glamour]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Alyssa Shelasky

Choose Your Own Shelasky!

Jessica — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:45:19 EDT

Yesterday, former Us Weekly staffer Alyssa Shelasky started her new gig as the poor dating blogger for Glamour magazine's website. Rather than just blog about her romantic adventures, however, Alyssa is journeying down the path to glossy self-exploitation, wherein readers vote on how she should conduct herself and she agrees to heed their advice. Yesterday, 61% of readers told her to call some flirty guy just to tell him that she liked his friend better; as it only could, this resulted in an awkward voicemail message in which Alyssa no doubt sounded like a bit of a dumbass. Good job, Glamour readers!

Today, Alyssa's big issue is whether or not she should let her ex-boyfriend come visit her in LA over Labor Day. After the jump, your votes can schedule her entire holiday weekend.

What to Do Next About My Ex [See Alyssa Date]
Earlier: Alyssa Shelasky Submits to Hellish Glamour Blog Concept

Single Girl Shelasky Once Close to Becoming Smug Married

Jessica — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 16:00:40 EDT

Earlier, it was revealed with much excitement that former Us Weekly staffer Alyssa Shelasky would be breathing life back into the Sex and the City genre with her blog for Glamour's website. Called "See Alyssa Date," the blog would detail Shelasky's love life and allow readers to help her decide how to handle her romantic endeavors (so basically, if you vote in a poll that Shelasky should give it up on the first date with Mr. Big — or, in her first post, Mr. Big Talker — she will).

So what can we expect from this brave new project? According the December 1, 2003 edition of the Observer, before she met Us Weekly, Shelasky was a sucker for a guy who's a "good egg:"

Countdown to Bliss
By Anna Jane Grossman

Gregory Mendelson and Alyssa Shelasky
Met: July 14, 1999
Engaged: Aug. 30, 2003
Projected Wedding Date: Oct. 10, 2004

Alyssa Shelasky, a part-time public-relations manager at ABC Carpet and Home, is marrying Greg Mendelson, a green-eyed investment-banking analyst at CIBC World Markets who also has a talent for spin. "People are always telling us that we're the most amazing couple and they wish they had what we have," he said. "I think I'm pretty charismatic and sociable, and she's exactly the same way."

"We're two good eggs," said Ms. Shelasky, a svelte Columbia grad who also writes freelance "lifestyle" articles for places like the New York Post and is planning a laid-back ceremony at Loft Eleven. "It's a major deal that I found 'the one,' and that's the great part to me," she said. "The hors d'oeuvres and flowers are only going to be around for four hours of my life."

Both 26, they met during her birthday party at the Potion Lounge on the Upper West Side . At the time, she was dating a pretty rotten egg. "A fancy-schmancy lawyer — this total prick, New York City prep-school kid. I was kind of wooed by that stuff," she said. "But then I saw Greg, and his eyes were so pretty, and he was so handsome and so tan!"

Mr. Mendelson had been invited by Ms. Shelasky's little sister, whom he knew at SUNY Binghamton. He liked Big Sis' rosebud lips, big, doll-like brown eyes and outgoing personality. "Before we were together, I didn't ever have serious girlfriends," he said. "I was indecisive about everything and very picky about what I wanted a girlfriend to be. But I never had to think about all that with Alyssa, because it was just all there."

The next week, they enjoyed a Guster concert at the now-defunct hippie-music spot Wetlands. On Date No. 2, she brought him to the bar Vermouth and introduced him to the pleasures of a good martini ( hic!). "We were young," she said. "I thought it was so cute. I was like, 'Your first martini? There goes all your credibility in the banking world!' I told him that in four or five years, he'd be having them every night. But you know what? He's really not like that." Just wait till you're married, kiddo ...

Earlier this year, they moved into a Flatiron one-bedroom rental filled with a melange of trash finds and ABC Carpet items at deep discount.

Mr. Mendelson proposed on Nantucket while on a trip with the family. "He just started saying the nicest, sweetest things, and I went to hug him, and suddenly I realized his heart was beating really, really hard," Ms. Shelasky said.

The ring, a platinum band with three round diamonds totaling over two carats, came from her pals at ABC's estate-jewelry department. And that will be the third and final time we suckers plug that store.

Earlier: Alyssa Shelasky Submits to Hellish 'Glamour' Blog Concept

Alyssa Shelasky Submits to Hellish 'Glamour' Blog Concept

Jessica — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 10:30:14 EDT

Conde Nast's website for Glamour relaunched this month, bringing with it a bunch of corporate-approved, newfangled blogs on fashion, beauty, and — oh yes — sex. Specifically, the sex life of former Us Weekly reporter Alyssa Shelasky, who will do her best Carrie Bradshaw impression with her own Glamour.com blog, "See Alyssa Date." According to Eat the Press, Shelasky will be "sharing the details of her various dating adventures with her readers," who will respond with their comments and, somewhat horrifyingly, an online poll to decide how Alyssa should conduct her love life. Worst of all, Glamour EIC Cindi Leive says that poor Shelasky will have to "take [readers'] counsel seriously."

The Shelasky endeavor is very interesting for Glamour should the magazine be refashioning itself as some sort of sick sociological experimentation center, but poor Alyssa. She better start getting used to reader polls now.

Life Blogging the Lovin': Glamour.com Unveils "See Alyssa Date" [Eat the Press]
Related: 'Us Weekly' Reporters — They're Just Like Us!

'Us Weekly' Reporters -- They're Just Like Us!

Jessica — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 09:22:29 EST

They use MySpace!

At right, Us Weekly reporter Alyssa Shelasky, whose last login was just yesterday. As a woman willing to go the distance for the latest news on Nicolas Cage, Alyssa divulges that she makes a bit more than you would expect for a celebrity-stained wretch, but the hard work is worth it — she lives a life that's "one juicy issue of Us Weekly — literally."

While Alyssa is happy to share with us her weekly television viewing schedule, what we really want to know is how she keeps those locks so shiny! "Try using a heat-activated shampoo, like Thermasilk," says Miami stylist Papi Jones. "Finish with a shine-enhancing spray, and comb through with your fingers — a brush will make you frizz!" Alyssa loves Bumble & Bumble Gloss, a super-fine spray that leaves hair looking soft and silky.

Alyssa [MySpace]