• By Rod Townsend
    Aug 7, 2007 12:40 PM 6,422
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    When 'Time Out' Seemed Like A Lifeline

    Rod Townsend records the gays in and around their natural environment of Fire Island and reports back. This is the time, and this is the record of the time. Put your hands over your eyes.

    EXT. BAY BAR
    The Sunday noon crowd at Bay Bar consists of those running in and out to get iced coffee products and those sitting at tables enjoying iced coffee products. VISORGAY, wearing olive drab cargo shorts and a navy mesh Nike visor, sits with TANKGAY, in olive drab cargo shorts and a robin's egg blue tank. They are at a prime table overlooking the harbor and the boardwalk that runs along it. Across the water, unidentifiable shrieks can be heard.

    VISORGAY What is that noise?

    TANKGAY
    It's a kid.

    VISORGAY
    No, it's a dog.

    TANKGAY
    What kind of dog?

    VISORGAY
    An unhappy dog.

    TANKGAY
    I'll take an unhappy dog over an unhappy kid.

    VISORGAY
    What is with all the kids this year?

    TANKGAY
    I don't know, but they're everywhere.

    VISORGAY
    (In a radio announcer voice.) It's Kid's Day every Sunday in Fire Island Pines. That's right. Kids drink free.

    TANKGAY
    (Laughs.) Bring your kid and get a free bottle of WET!


    NASTYPLASTY hops up the stairs and into Bay Bar. He wears over-sized sunglasses and thermal shorts with the words "Nasty Plasty" on the elastic band. They are cut off at the calf. The thermals are covered by leopard-print running shorts.
    TANKGAY
    Look at her!

    VISORGAY
    (In an affected Kimora Lee Simmons-esque accent.) She has got it going on!

    TANKGAY
    Obviously has a need to be the center of attention.


    NASTYPLASTY darts in, comes out with an iced coffee product, and then runs down the stairs. At the same time a group of MIDDLEAGED GAYS in assorted polos and reading glasses gets up from a back table. They leave a stack of newspaper and magazines behind. TANKGAY goes to the abandoned table and takes the reading material to his table. TANKGAY takes the Economist; VISORGAY takes Time Out New York.
    TANKGAY I never actually read this. I just listen to the podcasts while I'm on the treadmill. Sometimes I have to really pay attention because of the accent.

    VISORGAY
    The podcast is in British?

    TANKGAY
    Yeah. The other day. What was it? Oh. (Affects a British accent.) The American performing ah-tist, Fifty-Cent. Fiv. Tay. Cint. I'm like, "It's Fiddy. Fiddy!" (He looks at VISORGAY's Time Out.) Before I moved to New York, I used to think that was the best magazine.

    VISORGAY
    Which one?

    TANKGAY
    The one you're reading. When I lived outside New York, it seemed like a lifeline, but now I think it's just awful.

    VISORGAY
    Maybe it's because you live here now. Hmm. No. I think it's gone through a little downfall. Now it's just useful. It's a tool.


    TANKGAY takes a Blackberry Pearl out of his pocket, and pushes several buttons.
    TANKGAY My sister's kid. Modern. Can text message with the best of them. Told me about something his dog did.

    VISORGAY
    That's too much info. I read the first sentence of any text message and then I almost always just delete it.

    TANKGAY
    No wonder my phone isn't working right. All that downloading.

    VISORGAY
    Exactly. Delete, delete.


    BOTH thumb through sections of Sunday's New York Times.
    TANKGAY (He looks at The Week in Review section.) Do you know anyone in Minneapolis?

    VISORGAY
    No. Well. (Closes one eye and knits brows.) I don't know. I don't think so.

    TANKGAY
    Me either. It's cold there.

    VISORGAY
    It's cold here. Right? It's cold today.

    TANKGAY
    You probably got a little sun on your run. Did you bring your shirt?

    VISORGAY
    No. (He rubs his chest and very slightly tweaks his nipples.) I like the attention.


    Previously: The Pines Party


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