Government prosecutors say Smith's boyfriend and lawyer Howard K. Stern (pictured) funneled the model prescription drugs, as has been suspected at least since the time Stern arranged a creepy video of an apparently drugged-out Smith, in clown makeup, entertaining a frightened child.

Stern has been charged with eight felonies, as have two of Smith's doctors. One of them, psychiatrist Khristine Eroshevich, wrote prescriptions for Smith under false names, but claims that was only "done for privacy reasons."

When Smith died, there were 11 bottles of medication in her hotel room. Some 600 pills were missing from prescriptions issued over the prior five weeks, most in Stern's name, according to AP.

As irresistible as the case is to voyeurs and the news media, it's likely got some political upside as well: California attorney general Jerry Brown, likely running for governor soon, is pressing the case.

Now that we're all on the same peace-on-Earth-goodwill-towards-etc. page, we'd like to share with you something very special, courtesy of the One D at a Time blog: It's our favorite Christmas Angel, Anna Nicole Smith, smiling down on us from the paralyzed lap of her new respirator-assisted, zillion-year-old boyfriend, God. But the real star here is not Anna Nicole, nor is it Kathy Griffin—back in the days when she really did trawl in bottom-feeding D-list waters—getting into a mildly diverting spitting match with Howard K. Stern.

No, the featured attraction here is Shelly, Anna Nicole's cousin from Mexia, who offers a rendition of "The First Noel" that could only be rendered more exquisite if Kathie Lee Gifford started inching into the frame, one finger pressed firmly to her ear as she added soaring harmonies. The video cuts off right before Shelly's striptease, but One D has some amazing screengrabs of Anna's kin, festively shaking her funcoinpurses with abandon.

God bless us, every one!

• Merry Christmas! [One D at a Time]

He justifies his rationale in the ET interview above, though we don't really see why he feels the need to. It's the next logical step for young Dannielynn, who made her TV debut at age 0 being pried out of her mother via C-section, and who now closes the Circle of Reality Show life on the very same network that pushed her mother's career to the next level. We mean—what's the worst that could happen, right? [ET Online]

L&S: So why are you selling it now?
Larry: You know, I always said I’d never sell, but the longer we’ve been here, the more I’ve realized it’s not built for children. We live over a canyon, and while the view’s great, there’s no backyard. I’ve bought Dannielynn every toy under the sun, but they can’t replace a yard. She doesn’t have a place to have her friends over to play.
L&S: You’ve kept an entire closet of Anna’s clothing, accessories and jewelry. Is that another way of preserving her memory for Dannielynn?
Larry: Yes. Every piece in there has a story. Someday, I hope to show them all to Dannielynn and tell her what event her mom wore them to and what they meant to her — from the casual T-shirts to the fancy dresses. I want her to understand how beautiful and glamorous her mom was.

We have no doubt Dannielynn eventually will, once she's old enough to fully grasp the concepts of beauty and glamor, but before the time she's able to operate a DVD player. Until then, she'll just play among the Anna artifacts randomly strewn about in a meticulously art-directed fashion, blissfully unaware of the stories every urn, cherub, and leopard skin gown would tell if only these inanimate objects could talk.

• Saying goodbye to Anna Nicole [Life & Style]

"I think about life in a different way," he reveals. "I had kidney stones and was in the hospital for a week in July. I was freaking out thinking, If something happens to me, Dannielynn is by herself. I'm all this little one has left."

"I'm so paranoid medically with what we've been through," Birkhead tells Us. "If she has a sniffle: straight to the doctors. Anna had a fever when she passed away."

Birkhead is being wise to keep an eye out for the pitfalls that befell Anna Nicole. We'd even suggest he intervene should his daughter start bonding with any outrageously flamboyant, Asian-interior-decorating toddlers she happens to meet at daycare.

• EXCLUSIVE: See What Anna Nicole's Daughter Dannielynn Looks Like Now [Us]

Larry Birkhead paid nearly $3,000 at an auction Saturday for lingerie worn by late ex Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy shoot.

Birkhead explained he paid $1,800 for a pink bustier and $1,000 for a white negligee because he wanted to give their 1-year-old daughter Dannielynn a keepsake of her mother.

"I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn't really know about," he told the Associated Press. "Playboy was such a big part of Anna's career.

"You know, it's not something I can show today, but something down the road," he added. "It's not going to be in any bedtime stories anytime soon."

While others might condemn Birkhead for buying Anna Nicole's used underwear (the sort of skeevy practice usually reserved for Japanese businessmen), we applaud him. Sure, a bustier is a little provocative to give to a one-year-old, but this is the same child Anna Nicole underfed to keep "sexy." We imagine Birkhead is merely carrying out Anna Nicole's wishes, and we look forward to the day that dad and daughter can truly bond: by watching extended outtakes from Anna Nicole's role in the deliciously terrible Skyscraper.

• Larry Birkhead Buys Anna Nicole Smith's Old Lingerie for Dannielynn [Us Magazine]

"Birkhead bought a pink bustier for $1,800 and a white negligee for $1,000 at the auction, run by Julien's Auctions and held at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip.

"He was awarded custody of Danielynn after Smith died from an overdose of prescription drugs in February 2007. She was 39. Birkhead said he hoped the items would help his daughter learn her mother's life story—when she's old enough.

"'You know, it's not something I can show today, but something down the road,' Birkhead said. 'It's not going to be in any bedtime stories anytime soon.'" [AP]

Christopher Ciccone, Life With My Sister Madonna, Summer 2008: As the NY Post reports today, Madonna’s estranged gay brother has rushed out a “brutal” tell-all about growing up with the promiscuous and outspoken runaway, and we need only wait til next month to read the gruesome details: “’It's extremely graphic and devastating,’ said a source who declined to give details. ‘He wrote it on the sly without telling Madonna. They want to put it out before her lawyers can get a hold of it.’”
Donna Hogan, Train Wreck, 2007: Taking greedy advantage of sister Anna Nicole’s tragic and sudden death, Hogan’s aim seemed to be pure fame and cash. Portraying Anna as a trashy, money-grubbing, dumb blonde who abused drugs all over television and in interviews, Hogan wound up looking like, and admitting to, being a trashy, money-grubbing, dumb blonde who abused drugs. Well done.
Vernon Winfrey, Things Unspoken, Unreleased: Though Oprah-fearing publishers have yet to offer Winfrey’s father a deal, excerpts from the manuscript painted a much-maligned and hateful picture of the rags-to-riches billionaire’s childhood: “Children need roots and limits and discipline. (And I don't mean time in time out. I mean the rod of correction, swung hard and often.)...Our daughter was out of hand, an unruly child...she stayed out all times of night and lied regarding her whereabouts, said she made herself known to boys.”

J.R. Watkins, Cleaning Out My Closet, 2002: Though not technically related to Eminem, Jenny Watkins was a close friend of the rapper and on-and-off wife Kim during his highest heights — and by high, we mean Jenny spends page after page discussing both Em’s and Kim’s drug use. From coke binges to Xanax addictions, Watkins portrays the couple as the modern-day Sid and Nancy with chapter titles like “Tossed Aside Like Garbage,” “Kim And Drugs,” and “White Trash.”
Nancy Aniston, From Mother And Daughter To Friends, 1999: One of the more depressing stories, Nancy reportedly mocked Jennifer’s appearance before she got the nose job and the big break, tried to reconcile once she did , but eventually took the low road by publishing this intimate book about Jen’s tumultuous childhood. The outcome? The two remain estranged, and in a public display of Aniston’s anger, she did not invite Nancy to her big, beautiful and doomed wedding to Brad Pitt the next year.

[Photo credit: OK!]

• LYNNE SPEARS'S MEMOIR SET FOR FALL RELEASE [People]

First, we present the predictable lot: Courtney Love, who Us claims "supported herself by stripping" after not fitting in at the girls reform school she attended. Then there's (RIP) Anna Nicole Smith, whose sordid past will soon be making its way to a television screen near you, followed by rapper Eve, who Us quotes as saying, "The money was good...I don't regret it at all."

But about those three Oscar noms? As for the guys, Brad Pitt and Javier Bardem, we'd pay good money for those shows. But Renee? Eh, ten years ago maybe, but we fear a pole could quite possibly break her in half these days.

[Photo Credits: Wireimage]

• STARS' SECRET STRIPPER PASTS [Us]

• Nasser Entertainment

Estate executor Howard K. Stern, meanwhile—whom you may or may not remember ignoring a child's pleas not to exploit a drug-addled Smith for a zombie-clown video—tells ET he's established the Anna Nicole and Daniel Wayne Smith Charitable Foundation: "It will benefit charitable causes that Anna Nicole supported during her life: children, the elderly, and the treatment and cure of AIDS. Hopefully it will grow, help more people each year, and eventually be headed by her daughter Dannielynn," an exciting possibility we're sure will come to pass just as soon as Birkhead figures out how to take a fair cut of whatever Stern's pulling off the bottom line.

• Foundation Pays Tribute to Anna Nicole [ETOnline]

For starters, there's the sickening voiceover ("this is as close as [Dannielynn] will come to her mother") and the fact that Birkhead hasn't gotten around to taking care of a gravestone for Anna Nicole yet (it's nearly been a year!). Then there's the whole issue of compensation (if anyone who knows how much money traded hands here, please email us). Lastly, there's truly atrocious outro promo copy ("for more on Danniellyn's visit to her mom's grave, go to [URL redacted] and click the 'Get It' button!"). Nice work, jackals! Now excuse us while we go hurl.

As for the Britney story, that AP piece seemed a bit silly to me. Preparing _any_ 20-something, or even 30-sometime [sic], is a bit of a stretch. No matter how reckless they are, they are far less likely to die in the near future than countless 80-somethings. Meanwhile, the 20-somethings pursue careers so anything you write gets stale fast - not so for most 80-somethings. Finally, it's much easier to get biographical information on deadline on a young famous person than an old famous person. So the upside to writing Britney is slim, unlike herself.

After joining the church under his homo guise, Halperin discovered it wasn't mainly sexual reparation that scientologists wanted; it was their cash. Former scientologist Michael Pattinson, who joined hoping to 'straighten' out, spent over 500k over 18 years, with no results. He's since sued. This 'auditing' process is vaguely "based on the weird science fiction theology espoused by Hubbard," says Halperin. "Members are expected to take very expensive courses" in order to be "cured." "I found that just about everything about the Church is about money, which makes them not much different than most religions."

But on to the actual celeb scoop. After a 1991 article in Time came out claiming John Travolta was being held hostage in the church, scared that by defecting, they'd reveal everything he'd confessed to them about his homosexuality, he announced his engagement to Kelly Preston two days later. 17 years later, he's still a proud card-carrying member.

As for Tom Cruise?

"The cure was certainly not reserved only for gay men. I was told that the Church would occasionally marry a lesbian celeb off to a gay male celeb, thus killing two birds with one stone. As for names, that shouldn't be too hard to figure out."

The good news? Anna Nicole Smith wasn't as dumb as we thought she was!

"Anna Nicole wanted to join the Church and was strongly considering it until a friend told her about the Church's attitude toward gays. Anna, who was bisexual, decided not to join in fear the Church would reveal her most intimate secrets if she defected."

• Hollywood Undercover [Amazon.com]

Today, ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT spoke to Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead as they shared their continued grief for Anna Nicole Smith on what would have been her 40th birthday.

Stern, whose own birthday is tomorrow, told ET, "My only wish is that Anna is celebrating her 40th birthday with Daniel and Howard (Marshall) in heaven and that they are able to experience the beautiful development of Dannielynn from above. Then I know that she would truly be at peace. She was more extraordinary than words can describe. I will never stop loving her."

Birkhead reveals that he plans to commemorate Anna's birthday with Dannielynn, "We will have a private family celebration to remember Anna. Time still hasn't healed the wound of her untimely passing, as she truly was one of a kind. We miss her dearly."

If we know Birkhead, this "private celebration" is sure to be no less spectacular than the one he threw for Dannielynn's first birthday—a three ring circus swarming with clowns, magicians, and ET cameramen, with more little-girl pearls than you can shake a pink ballerina tutu at. Stern's commemoration, however, promises to be much more subdued, involving two individual cupcakes sitting at opposite ends of a dining table at her empty Bahamian estate, with her clown video looping in the background as the wistful lawyer savors the carefree, Anna-drugging days of yesteryear.

• Remembering Anna Nicole Smith's Birthday [ETOnline]

Mark Schey, the president and CEO of creative agency 22Digital, which created the "TRIMSPA, Baby!" slogan, tells Us that through his "good, professional relationship" with Smith he often helped her post fan videos on her personal website "as a courtesy kind of thing." He claims he was not paid, however, and that he wasn't present at the Bahamas video shoot.

"It could have been something [Stern] intended to put on [her website]. He would give me instructions, 'edit this, don't do this,'" Schey tells Us [...]

Robin Bonnema, a spokeswoman for TRIMSPA, tells Us: "Mark Schey is not an employee of TRIMSPA. He owns his own company and TRIMSPA has contracted Mark on occasion for TRIMSPA-related events. The video is not a TRIMSPA event, nor is it related to TRIMSPA in any way."

Whatever Stern had in mind for the tape—perhaps a pay-premium AnnaNicole.com feature allowing fans to indulge in their naughtiest catatonic-Bozo fantasies?—we're at least relieved to know it wasn't a Trimspa-sanctioned production. We shudder to think of the vomited-up diet shake images that would have emerged if it was.

• Anna Nicole's Producer Found, Explains Disturbing Clown Tape [Us Weekly]

Smith then quickly descends into incoherency, mistaking the toy doll in her arms for her own baby, and her real pregnancy as "just gas." Stern, meanwhile, rattles off instructions about background noise, white levels, and unusable boob-slip footage to a cameraman named Mark, ignoring the nine-year-old as she pleads with him to, "Cut the tape off and help...I think we need the hospital...Howard, seriously—please help." Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to curl into a fetal ball on the floor of a scalding shower and lie there unblinking for several hours.

• Geraldo at Large [FoxNews via RedLasso]

Cosby, meanwhile, faces a $60 million lawsuit from Howard K. Stern, the man she accuses of having engaged in videotaped intimate relations with Larry Birkhead. Now two of the sources she cites—Haitian nannies employed at Smith's Bahamian home at the time—are denying having said anything of the kind. The author has flown down to the Bahamas to see if she can't jog their memories; in Cosby's defense, however, the French term for "oral sex between men" is just one consonant off from another word that means, "to come to fisticuffs over the honor of a shared woman," which could go a long way towards explaining the nannies' confusion over the matter.

• Smith's nannies didn't speak to author [Yahoo/AP]
• Blonde Ambition [Amazon.com]

• Video: Rita Cosby Served with Papers [InsiderOnline]

ANNA'S EX SUES OVER GAY CLAIM [AP]

Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and companion, Howard K. Stern, filed a $60 million libel lawsuit Tuesday against Rita Cosby and her publisher over a book she wrote that claims Stern and Smith's ex-boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, had a sexual encounter.

The suit, filed in federal court in New York, seeks $10 million in compensatory damages and $50 million in punitive damages from Cosby—who wrote "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death"—and Hachette Book Group USA Inc.

With the gauntlet thrown down, Cosby's best hope at this point is to finally locate the rumored and elusive video capturing the "compromising, intimate position" enacted by the two Smith hangers-on; otherwise, the $60 million sex-act will remain relegated to the category of myth, despite being the most satisfying make-believe blow job Stern has ever not received.

• Anna Nicole Smith Book Prompts $60M Suit [AP/Breitbart.com]

The long-awaited inquest in the Bahamas into the death of the son of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith will begin on October 30, and could last two months, a senior judge in the Bahamas said on Monday.

Bahamas Chief Magistrate Roger Gomez said at least 35 witnesses were expected to give evidence, including Smith's longtime lawyer and companion, Howard K. Stern. The inquest would be conducted by Magistrate William Campbell, he added.

Just what the inquest hopes to uncover regarding Daniel's mysterious and tragic death—whose one-year anniversary was marked by a number of paparazzi-documented visits to his distant grave—is uncertain. We only hope none of those 35 witnesses is Dannielynn, however, as the much-exploited one-year-old is probably not yet equipped to handle a Bahamian prosecutor's pointed questions about what incriminating behavior she recalls witnessing in a hospital room just hours after her birth.

• Bahamas to hold inquest in death of Daniel Smith [news.yahoo.com]

"They had arranged to wait in some bushes at the cemetery. They took pictures of Larry pretending to be sad and emotional at the grave site. Only the Splash guys weren't quite satisfied, so they asked him to do it again, and for me to get out of the picture. We did three takes. That was the first sign to me that Larry was in it for the money." [...]

Speer adds, "I was with Larry when he went to meet Howard at the Horizon mansion [in the Bahamas]. It was a secret meeting, where he got to see Dannielynn. ... I heard Howard tell Larry that he'd give him custody of the baby if he [would allow] Stern to remain as executor of the estate. Larry said, 'I'll think about it.'

It seems to us hasty to presume Birkhead harbors purely opportunistic motives, simply because a cemetery visit was accompanied by tabloid photographers insisting he tilt his head up and give his best "Why not me, God?" face. Until Speer recalls the evening he witnessed the chunky-highlighted new dad holding up a check and purring to his supposed former nemesis, "How about a romantic lobster dinner for two, courtesy of my Oscar-caliber acting ability and that nosy teen you expertly disposed of, Mr. Hunky Lawyerstein?" we'll refrain from rushing to judgment.

• Guard: Larry Birkhead posed at Anna Nicole's son's grave [nydailynews.com]

The still unnamed reality show project is under development at the E! network. It will focus on Larry and baby Dannielynn's life after Anna Nicole Smith's death, according to a TV insider.

"Larry's on the verge of signing with E! for a show that could be on the air by next spring," a Hollywood source told The NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

Committing to tape every misadventure of the miracle baby who poops hundred dollar bills as she enters the terrible twos sounds to us as can't-miss a reality TV scenario as we can envision: Yes, The Larry and Dannielynn Show promises to post spectacular ratings for the cable network, filling the gaping hole left in E!'s tabloid-star-exploiting roster since The Simple Life 12: High-Security Mental Facility Orderlies! failed to secure a spot on their schedule.

• NATIONAL ENQUIRER EXCLUSIVE: LARRY BIRKHEAD SHOPPING REALITY TV SHOW [Nat'l Enq]

• Exclusive: Dannielynn at Her Party! [theinsideronline.com]

Now, a lot of people are understandably skeptical about this; for one thing, if there really was a sex tape, don't you think it would have come out by now? (Also: Gah!) We're going to come down on the side of there not only definitely being a deal between Larry and Howard—and also the side of Larry being much more of a slime than his carefully edited image would have us believe—but also the side of Howard and Larry totally doing it. Hear us out.

For one thing, there's the simple fact of, which other women have you ever seen either of them with? Also, Anna Nicole was notoriously distrustful of men, and in the last few years had surrounded herself solely with gays. OK! alleges that she chose Larry to be the father of her daughter because he was blond and blue-eyed (like her!)—and gay. Remember all that stuff in her diaries about hating sex? Mmmhmm. It's all coming together now, isn't it? (There was also her totally dykey assistant. Remember her?)

Then there's also the fact that neither Howard nor Larry has actually come out and denied being gay. There's been a lot of mumbling about "these allegations" being unfounded and so on, but if they don't like dudes, it seems a little odd that they've never been just like, "What? No."

· Both Birkhead and Stern are vowing to sue the cheap dye jobs off Cosby and her sources, in what Birkhead vowed would be "one of the most expensive lawsuit settlements in book-publishing history," making Dannielynn profitable in ways he didn't even anticipate. [AP]
· "But what about that time Larry, Howard, and Anna Nicole partied the night away at WeHo's 2005 Gay Pride Festival?" you're likely asking yourselves (or not, depending on how closely you follow this story and/or lead fulfilling lives). Larry tells Us: "I was a photographer. My camera is around my neck in every picture." We don't see a camera around his neck in this shot, but we do see some drunken, proud good times. [Us]
· Larry has yet to update his website. Get on it, Larry! These clarifications are months old. [larrybirkhead.net]

Sordid passages in the soon-to-be released book by former MSNBC journalist Rita Cosby describe how Anna Nicole and her friend allegedly caught Stern and Birkhead with their shirts off and their pants around their ankles in a Los Angeles home.

Jackie Hatten, described in the book as one of Anna Nicole's closest friends, said the men were engaged in oral sex.

The shocking book accuses Birkhead and Stern of cutting a secret deal after Anna Nicole was buried in March, with Birkhead getting custody of Dannielynn in return for Stern being named executor of the star's estate.

The former stripper knew both Birkhead and Stern were gay, the book alleges.

The tell-all claims Anna Nicole would spread out on her bed and watch a video allegedly showing Birkhead and Stern having oral sex "over and over" while Stern worked on his computer in their Bahamas home. [...]

The book claims Birkhead gave Smith cocktails of drugs and watched as Stern allegedly gave medication to Anna Nicole while she was attached to an IV drip in the hospital during her pregnancy.

Birkhead and Stern have since denied the allegations and threatened to sue, saying Hatten is an emotionally unbalanced stalker whose own brother, Mark "Hollywood" Hatten, is currently serving time for also obsessively targeting Anna Nicole. Cosby, meanwhile, is standing firmly behind her claims, saying she hasn't seen the Birkhead-on-Stern visual evidence, but has spoken to people who have. One thing is certain: Beyond appealing to a tiny subgroup of slashfic-penning scandal fetishists, this video will likely be the least-demanded Smith A/V material since her tit-job tape made the plastic surgery convention rounds.

• Anna Nicole Smith book claims Birkhead & Stern were lovers; cut deal on baby, estate [NY Daily News]
• Larry Birkhead fuming over lies, gay sex talk in Anna Nicole Smith book [NY Daily News]

American magazine OK! has made the shock decision to drop Anna Nicole's ex Larry Birkhead from a $US1.7 million deal, alleging he has "tricked us all".

The magazine has not revealed the exact reason for the decision, however it is reported to be based on rumours Birkhead struck a "backroom deal" with Howard K Stern, his supposed long-standing rival.

The magazine's publicist said: "OK! Magazine has uncovered explosive allegations regarding Larry Birkhead, Howard K. Stern and baby Danielynn [...] The newly obtained allegations are detailed, shocking and potentially incriminating. It makes it impossible for OK!, in good conscience, to promote this family's highly questionable relationship in our pages." [...]

OK's American editor Sarah Ivens said: "My biggest fear is that Larry and Howard may have tricked us all."

We didn't realize that "backroom deal" is what the kids are calling it these days. But listen, whether or not they've lied about their daily sausage intake, these guys have had a rough year. If the only place they can find solace and peace is in each other's rippling arms, then we say, nibble away. It's only giving Dannielynn a rosier future, living rich off the residual fat of a Lifetime movie entitled, Lust Triangle: Love My Mother, Love Each Other: The Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead née Stern Story. We're getting misty already.

• Magazine cancels $1.7 million deal with Larry Birkhead [Daily Mail]

"Larry says that it's important Dannielynn knows about her mom," his older sister, Judy Birkhead tells Us.

"He's always telling Dannielynn how much he loved Anna and how great she was."

Birkhead, 34, has put photos of Dannielynn's mom everywhere. "He'll point at pictures and show Dannielynn videos of her too," Judy says.

Smith also set aside keepsakes for her daughter - including letters she had written for her - that Birkhead is saving for when the baby grows up.

Longtime friend Jane Rose-Zupetz tells Us, "When Anna was pregnant, she painted a lot for Dannielynn. Larry will give her those, also."

It's comforting to think that while the average toddler might be subjected to the cartoonish and monstrous imagery of Nick Jr.'s Yo Gabba Gabba!, Dannielynn will instead be gurgling contentedly to the soothing sights and sounds of Seasons 1 through 3 of The Anna Nicole Smith Show, or, for something a little more personal, the drugged clown makeup footage sensitively lensed by perpetually lurking lawyer-figure, Howard K. Stern.

• Dannielynn Loves Home Movies of Her Mom [Usmagazine.com]