Gawker
22-year-old N.Y.U. dropout Alex Pareene has been forced to live in Washington, D.C. for more than a year now. He took over at Wonkette in January, 2006. That is sad, because D.C. is no place for the young. (Except for the getting robbed. That's good for kids.) I have rectified this situation. As Alex Balk leaves us, although he may be irreplaceable, at least a new Alex shall rise. He starts Monday after next, and will be back in New York as soon as he and his girlfriend (I know, right?) can work that out. It's not like we pay relocation costs or anything. I'm sure they'll find an apartment somewhere Rockaways-adjacent!
New York, 10:07 PM
Sun Jul 6
3 posts in the last 24 hours
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Comments
Same e-mail address?
You suck, Pareene! Bring back - oh, wait.
Well, can we call this one "Alex," or do we have to call him "Balk" also?
Maybe they won't get broken into in the new place. I like Pareene, so this assuages (to some extent) my sorrow. TO SOME EXTENT!
Anyway, the next time Radar closes, Balk can go to Wonkette, and it can all be a big ol' daisy chain.
So he's going to be getting Balk's email for a few weeks, that should be exciting! I hope he posts some of it...
side note : "This is Pareene btw" doens't have the same ring to it...
@ Old Choire Surrounded by Young People.... who's next, Elijah Pollack?
@Baberaham Lincoln: MYPEENBTW
Living with the girlfriend at 22? Good luck with that.
I KNEW IT!
I hope to have as close a rapport with this Alex as I did the last.
Jeesh, can I at least get a job at TeenGawker?
@the_mayoress: he's been living in DC for christ's sake. you find a good thing over there and you hold on for gear life!
@Balk: Muap muap.
Balk, I'm actually really starting to miss you already.
@Baberaham Lincoln: You've seen one advertisement promising to make your cock bigger, you've seen 'em all. And trust me, NONE OF THEM WORK.
@Balk: Go fuck yourself.
@generalmills: This is Teen Gawker.
Ohhh, this does take the sting out of Balk leaving, a little.
Pareene's Cock?
so he isnt going to be called Alex Balk anymore???? Im so confused. I didnt know he lived in DC, Wow his new name should be Gangster Al cuz I wouldnt even move there. Wowzers.
Also: Wonkette has a photo. I should get some work done...
OMG ALEX AND KEN ARE BREAKING UP NO!!!!!
Ahem. I mean, "Sound choice, Gawker. I look forward to young Pareene's witty japery."
@Balk: Read the fine print: This penis enlarger ointment must be applied by Emily Gould.
Pareene actually scored me my commenter priviliges. Not that I've really done anything since to make that decision worthwhile for him.
@thwarted:
Pareene's Peen.
@Ms.Smalls: Sorry, Gangster Al was taken by Al Roker after he was victorious in a long knife fight with Katie Couric, many years ago.
Welcome, New Alex. You have big Jews to fill.
Welcome shiny new Gawker! You'll be all sooty soon enough. Maybe we can play Scrabulous one day, and no: that's not code for anything nasty.
Funny guy. Good choice.
Team P(ar)een(e)?
So, this will not be Gay Pareene, I take it.
i need this guys commenting history to judge his relevance. the only things I know about DC are their okay newspaper, and underwear parties.
@LolCait: They won't let so many old folks on the site soon, so live it up!
@meerkat: @thwarted: Pareene's Weeeeeeen.
I'm against alliteration, asshats. Also, you have to draw out the 'e.'
@Balk: You've seen one advertisement promising to make your cock bigger, you've seen 'em all. And trust me, NONE OF THEM WORK.
You are forgetting this morning's ass advertisement. That worked for me.
Pareene's Prostate
Hi Alex, Bye Alex.
Did Wonkette ever address the fact that there were no girls working there after its founder jumped ship? And that therefore the name was rather misleading? Is bringing this up kinda like doing an open-mic set about how the girls from Hanson are hot?
But what does Krucoff think of this?
Cool, but who is Shelia McClear?
@meerkat: Works for me, as long as there's a cock.
omg, a bastion of choire-approved writers?
that means krucoff is totally re-hired!
@Conbon: They had a meeting, but "Wonker" just didn't work for anyone.
@all2soon: As a fellow DC-er and longtime Wonkette hanger-outer, I can peronally vouch for Pareene's funny. I'm going to miss the hi-larious team of Pareene-and-Layne over there.
My only complaint -- Pareene didn't use Ana Marie Cox's "ass-fuckting" tag quite enough after she left. He might have to "whip it out" a little more here, tho I doubt such tagged posts will usually be about Jessica "The Washingtonienne" Cutler.
As long as the new Alex understands that he has some huge condoms to fill...
I once met this girl named Karin who told everyone "it's pronounced 'Kar-een'," so I'm thinking maybe NewAlex's IM name should be 'Rhymes With Karin.'
Godfuck I'm tired. Welcome, dude.
Alex is gone! Long live Alex!
Hah! You think he and his GF are gonna find anyplace decent to live in two weeks for less than $5,000 a month? I would love seeing his posts about his search for an apartment, unless he or the GF are trust fund babes.
can collegecallgirl and i have a pic of his girlfriend? k, thanks.
P@R33N! LOLZ!!!11!!!!!
@thwarted: Pareene's ween
Wow. A 22-year-old kid moving to the city to live with his girlfriend and work for a snarky ass media blog? The shit should be on The CW! Episode 1: The Overdose.
Alex II: Alex Harder
@Conbon: Well I guess we could call him Wonker in light of this, but it would suck to have an old job following you around so just call him Wanker.
The second cumming of Alex
Oh, sorry. Welcome Alex or is it "Alex" ?
this makes getting everyone's names straight so much easier. i hear tell alex 2.0 is a good egg. the phrase "brutal and funny" was used. can't go wrong there.
New Alex is good stuff. Nice work stealing him over guys...
All male replacements of Balk, especially those named Alex, should be known in Gawkerland simply as "Balkette."