Authenticity

« next »

BREAKING! Contrary to prior reports here today, now we hear that Patrick Moberg, who spotted flower-behind-the-ear-having Black Book intern Camille on the subway and later tracked her down via the internet, actually is less into her than she is into him. A lot less. Says someone in-the-know: "He did dump her...they're going to stay friends. It was amicable."

2:15 PM on Fri Dec 14 2007
By Emily Gould
2,377 views
56 comments

Comments

moff at 02:15 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 583

What a whirlwind of an afternoon this has been.
KarenUhOh at 02:16 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 897

Well, I can top that.
mathnet at 02:16 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 581

Oh, Emily. Don't.
TheBigDoggy at 02:16 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

I can't wait for the third BREAKING! flash that they both hate each other's guts.
buyamerican at 02:16 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

omgz! we need an mtv 2 hour sunday afternoon special... "patrick moberg reflects" complete with Secondhand Serenade choruses
Conbon at 02:16 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 664

Emily, I simply cannot imagine why you're quitting.
buyamerican at 02:16 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

who stays friends? haven't they watch SATC?
LolCait at 02:17 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 857

This is basically the plot of Kangaroo Jack.
Reluctant Financier at 02:17 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 204

Dang guys.. trying to cram as much in as possible before the weekend huh? Yeah, the other people are doing the same thing and cramming as much shit in my inbox as possible. All this news that you guys keep reporting is keeping from performing my actual job. Which I guess isn't really a bad thing.
Itsjustcatnip at 02:17 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 107

I'm not sure if "dump" and "still friends" can remain amicable in the same sentence. There is some bitterness.
moff at 02:18 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 583

@LolCait: [Giggling at my desk now]
MisterHippity at 02:19 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 491

That's not what I heard from Cindy the cheerleader. The Lacrosse jocks are totally spreading that story because he's on the lacrosse team and that's what he told them. But the truth is, she actually dumped him for a guy on the football team.
koala325 at 02:19 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 195

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE!
Hez at 02:20 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 674

Publicist-issued denials are the new disparaging bathroom graffiti.

(And anonymous someones-in-the-know are the new publicists.)
bigmonkeycar at 02:20 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

He dumped her after finally reading the December issue of Black Book.
karion at 02:20 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 234

Getting dumped via blog is the new getting dumped via Facebook status.
shanghaibaby at 02:21 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

Fuck these twats. Wot about Choire and www.viacompermalancerofmydreams.com? Any updates on that?
Sarcastro at 02:21 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 235

Moe Berg was a Princeton-educate catcher for the Red Sox (among other teams) and an American spy during WWII.

He was cooler than this Moberg kid.
Hot Foot at 02:22 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

nycgirlofmydreamsiloveyoubutyourebringingmedown.com
The Real JR at 02:23 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 176

I actually care more about the Basquiat wall now.
relunctant entity at 02:24 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

If the don't go on Good Morning American to talk about this, they're sissy.
CodePink at 02:25 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 535

I'm not sure love is ever symmetrical, Camille. Love him as you choose to love him--how he loves you back is the gift of your love reflecting back onto you. Be well. Go with God
brian griffin at 02:25 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

@wonky: She's been getting a lot of mileage out of the "He's Just Not That Into You" episode over the last couple of days.
LolCait at 02:25 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 857

@CodePink: The love you make is equal to the love you take as a sign of a burgeoning acting career.
Sarcastro at 02:26 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 235

Musta saw some chick on the LIRR with peroxide in her hair.
KarenUhOh at 02:26 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 897

Are they married yet?
Dave J. at 02:26 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 95

I really did think they were the next Trista and Ryan.
adminslave at 02:27 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

Patrick and Camille may be over. But Patrick and the flower--still hot and heavy!
HeyThereKiller at 02:28 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

@Hot Foot: "Like a girl on the train, who's invading my brain..."
buyamerican at 02:28 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

@Hot Foot: do you know what a hotfoot is?
Itsjustcatnip at 02:29 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 107

It's like introducing your parents to a first date. For the rest of your life they will ask about that Mike- how is he?
Except the rest of the whole f'ing world is your parents.
Watch and learn peeps.
Hez at 02:29 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 674

@Sarcastro: This Moe Berg is a close second. Better hair, too.
[www.youtube.com]
PimpMyCouch at 02:29 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 245

@MisterHippity: Well, I heard from Lucy in drama class that Patrick like, started seeing Tiffanny? From the debate team? And she like, goes all the way? So he like, totally broke up with Camille in math class by passing her a note that said "Um, yeah, I don't like you anymore"?
Otto-Reimer at 02:31 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

I wondered why you were obsessed with H Lister's love lives, then I realized you were an ILister.
Sarcastro at 02:32 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 235

@Hez: How about this?

A 'Mo Berg: Only 10% of the gay Jews are visible above the water's surface.
Wrath of Farrakhan at 02:34 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

This item is much better when you read it as "He took a dump on her."
BinkysDream at 02:37 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 175

My dreams are mostly nightmares, too.
MisterHippity at 02:37 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 491

He drew a cartoon, and fell in love with it. Now he can't love her; he can only love the cartoon.

The cartoon is under his pillow. It's starting to get faded and worn, and lately, a little moist with his tears. But he still keeps it under his pillow, and won't let anyone see or touch it.

You see, that was the last straw. She found it under his pillow. She asked him what it was doing there. He told her not to touch it. But she didn't listen to him. She picked it up to get a closer look at it. She asked him again what it was doing under his pillow.

Everything would've been ok if she'd only listened to him. But no. She had to go and touch it ...
Hez at 02:39 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 674

@Sarcastro: LOVES it.@grandmoffbastard: Appropriately, I misread this as "what a whirlwind afternoon of has-beens".
Metcalf at 02:45 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

@MisterHippity: Comments like this make the Moberg posts worth it.
DorothyMantooth at 02:45 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 573

@MisterHippity: Are you telling us we'll be finding her ravaged lifeless body in a janitor's closet at the SI Ferry terminal in a couple of days? ('Cause I would probably watch that movie.)
Hythloday at 02:46 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 0

Love is a lie and we are all of us alone in a cold and unfeeling universe.
Sarcastro at 02:51 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 235

@Hythloday: How'd you get your hands on the card my mother gave me for my wedding?
LatestBy at 02:51 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

Aw, and so close to the holidays. Who gets custody of the subway system?
vulturesquadron at 02:59 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 192

I guess the other ending didn't test as well.
SlimShadenfruede at 03:01 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

@Hythloday: I liken love more to a disease than a lie. A disease that spreads.
EnviousJuno at 03:04 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

No! Wait! They can't break up until she gets implants and he impregnates her sister!
21370 at 03:20 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

He dumped her for Julian Allison...
Furious George at 03:25 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 709

@LolCait: Actually, I thought the plot of Kangaroo Jack was an artfully constructed postmodernist critique of British colonialism as seen through a neo-Marxist lens.
Goodbye, Commenters! at 03:26 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

He went to all that trouble to meet her in real life, and then had to follow through, no matter what.
CaptainFantastic at 03:29 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 119

Friends? Are the Viacom permalancers demanding he get benefits?
Goodbye, Commenters! at 03:39 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

OK, so now Josh is going to London with Moberg?
Dusty in the Wind at 03:39 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

Guy, what the frig?! Way to ruin things for all the other stalkers. As if there wasn't enough of a stigma, you're gonna add "player" and "commitment phobe" into the mix?

Jesus fuck.

A deep, unwavering devotion was basically the stalker's sole selling point.
fileunder at 03:41 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 62

she freaked out when she found out water drains counterclockwise in this hemisphere, and just stopped bathing.
suzyO at 03:47 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

saw her sitting in the rain
raindrops falling on her
she didn't seem to care, she sat there and smiled at me!!
Then I knew
(I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew!)
she would make me happy
(happy, happy, she could make me very happy)
Flowers in her hair, Flowers everywhere

(chorus):
I love the flower girl...
oh I don't know just why she simply caught my eye
I love the flower girl...

(chorus)...

I love the flower girl
was she reality or just a dream to me?
I love the flower girl
well i'll show me the way to find a sunny day
(sunny day....)
Fade!
bizasizzalizzyizzo at 04:22 PM on 12/14/07
Reply by Email
*

This is so the new "The Hills."