You know what the word "Cablinasian" meant to me the first time I heard it?

"Retarded camera-hogging media-friendly audience up-sucking"

To this day I think that should be the Oxford English Dictionary definition.

Gee I'd say Swedish is the predominant trait not an added layer.

I prefer the response Charles Barkley gave when he heard about Tiger Woods's death threats, "He knows he's black now."

And so is that kid.

How about "pardo"?

The baby's race is Suri.

As a multiracial person, the term "cablinasian" really pissed me off and still does.

And best believe when he first won the Masters, the American Old Boy network certain let him know what they think of any mixture when mixed with Black when they made that fried chicken joke. BLACK.

Dred Scott was not a freak occurance.

Otherwise I don't care what race such and such is. Old meme and social construct and all.

I saw that photo as I passed the newstand and thought it was Derek Jeter. Then I wondered if he had joined the Detroit Tigers. Then I wondered why the blonde girl wouldn't show her face. Then I thought it was nice that Jeter had a baby-mommy that wasn't a publicity-sucking whore. Then I was surprised that he would find so classy a baby-mommy. Then I decided that it wasn't really Derek Jeter.

Oooh, we'll take a shot! How about "a baby?"

What about "richer than you could possibly comprehend"? That works, too.

how about...all those things plus Swedish? that was pretty easy, I think.

@The Real JR:

Agree with the substance of your remarks. But the typos and spelling suggest you are at the nadir of a real bender.

@depardoo: It's like the Hemingway method to commenting. See how I do after the nooner.

Sam is a beautiful multi-cultural baby, but you can bet your most vintage pair of AirJordans that she's 100 percent Nike.

As long as she doesn't grow up to be retarded like Paris Hilton, who cares what her ethnicity is?

Forget the color and the money.

"Picture perfect golf swing" is all that's gonna matter, especially since Michelle Wie's been such a letdown.

Apparently, the New York Post believes that its target audience has not only the reading level of a fifth grader, but the math level of one too.

"1/4 divided by two equals ... ah, who the hell knows?"

"You're very exotic-looking. Was your dad a GI?"

"What that makes Sam is anybody's guess."

How about "adorable"?

If the saying "Black don't crack" is right, then maybe Tiger wasn't putting on. 'Cause he's looking more and more like his Dad every day.

That's one cute kid. Good thing they make them cute b/c they can cry like nobody's business. This from firsthand experience.

Poor baby. He doesn't even know we're watching.

@The Real JR: Yeah it's all about the one drop rule. Well in that case, she'd be Asian, whatever that means.

Of course, the real question is: How does the kid handle a 3-iron?

I suspect that baby is really Mexican.

@TedSez: best line of the season? i'm just hoping season 4 gets back up to the season 2 level of sublimity.

i think the term they're looking for is "octoroon." perhaps they should have called the "Masters" (!!) for a consult.

@The Real JR: agree that cablinasian is stupid and embarassing, and smacks of an effort to distance himself from his african-americanness. his reference to being part Dutch just makes it worse. as if he's the product of some great civil war era multi-racial love affair.

"Sam already outdoes her dad in terms of multicultural makeup."

Already? Wasn't that guaranteed at the moment of conception? And who cares. The baby's cute, the mom's gorgeous, the dad's rich, she will have very few problems (especially once she sinks that perfect put on the Tonight Show at age 2).

putt. darnit.

Anyone else thinking about Cleavon Little's speech about how his grandmother was Dutch from the beginning of Blazing Saddles here?

Anyone?

Hello?

(crickets chirping)

The New York Post bungles something having to do with ethnicity? Quelle M.F. surprise!

And yet, according to these pencil drawings some dude sells at the Fulton Street Mall, Tiger Woods is actually half human, half fierce feline. Which makes that little baby half Magical Mr. Mistoffelees.

@HowDareThey:

That reminds me of an argument I once heard between a Black Hebrew exponent and a Chinese-American. "You Asians are worthless--you can't fuck and you can't fight. You're half-cat and half-rat."

@sassypants: Fuck. I was just typing that. Well played.

@HowDareThey:

That babylump looks nothing like Ben Vereen.

Isn't the baby LESS "enthnic" since mom just ups his "euro-white" factor from 1/8 Dutch to 5/8 "euro-white".

@YourDoctrinaire: You're assuming that "Dutch" and "Swedish" are the same. Which they goddamn are. Except for the Tiger Woods media machine, which will crank out a "Cablinasiadutchish" faster than you can say the phrase "Nike Multiracial Billion Dollar Sponsorship".

fuck it's only white-looking people who are all concerned about racial purity. everyone else knows the whole fucking world is mixed up somehow. an island grandmother here, a jewish shoemaking immigrant ancestor there, some tribal whatnot blood they try to remember when applying to brown. people have been fucking all sorts of other people forever and you know, many of our ancestors liked a little dark meat. mixed-race, multiracial, i think the terms are kinda bullshit.

@Slackferno: Ahh, oui, but we must remember that Ben Vereen was once a freshly birthed kitten, too, mewling and covered in glitter and blood.

Isn't she African, like all of us? Where's Gwyneth Paltrow when you need her?

OMG, you're so right!!! Like, why can't we stop putting LABELS on people just because of the color of their SKIN??! Which is only skin deep, right? Aren't we all the same deep down??

Try talking to the Japanese about how they are racially impure. Or to some high-caste Indians.

Furthermore, most of the world, not just white people, is relatively "pure" racially. How much racial diversity do you find in most of China or Korea? Or in sub-Saharan Africa?

Not everyone lives in an entrepot.

@cdmunch: People who think they have something to lose culturally are the ones hung up, I mean "concerned" about "racial purity" and marrying out. After all, everyone likes shorthand and shortcuts, everyone wants to know whose team you're on and how you bat. Race, or rather the visual markings of RACE are shorthand for cultural leanings, at least that's what most people think...but that's completely wrong.

I've read that there are Korean adoptees who actually identify themselves as Caucasian despite the fact that they don't "look" Caucasian, whatever that means. But do they have a right to do so? Sure, why not?

All I can say in Tiger's defense is that he is entitled to self define based on how he's experienced his own identity and how he was raised, regardless of what he "looks" like. Because only HE has lived his life.

I may look white, but I'm not.

How much does that baby weigh? She looks minuscule.

I trust some of their millions will go toward feeding her right.

@arirang: You're right, but the weird thing about the US is that we've operated on the one drop rule for so long, we still get excited over people of mixed race. It's inane. South America has been a polyglot since Cortes. France, Italy and particularly Spain and Portugal have been much more aware of racial mixing for centuries and even extended different legal status to people depending on the degree of their racial mixture. And if you look at ancient Rome or Athens there were always classes of people who married outside their cultural group. Sure the Asians love purity, but even there a Han marrying a non-Han is like a Sicilian marrying a Milanese, many would consider it a mixed marriage but they're still Chinese or Italian.

What if Sam grows up and marries Seal & Heidi Klum's baby? What would their kids be? Babies?

@Valerie Flame: Really attractive, rich babies. Alas, I will be 80+ by the time those kids are legal, which is well beyond the sell-by date for even the most die-hard cougar.

@sassypants: You are now my god. I cannot believe I missed that.

@cdmunch: I can't say this 100% certainty b/c I'm not Chinese but the Han vs. non-Han washes out to Chinese b/c China is a huge country that grew b/c it absorbed others around it, reappropriating the Mandate of Heaven or a variation of it as needed over time (at least this is what I remember from my ancient China class in college).

They say that of all of the countries that lived under Chinese hegemony/tribute system, only two survived wholly as their own nationalities/countries/cultures --- Korea and Vietnam. Everyone else became a "cultural minority".

Everyone else is sensitive to bloodlines b/c they know what people in the US try to forget, which is that home culture is stronger than any "look" that people have.

My boyfriend likes to call me an octaroon. He thinks it'

Durnit!

"My boyfriend likes to call me an octaroon. He thinks it's hot. This despite the fact I have only slightly more melanin than your typical albino rabbit sold at the county fair."

Domino was a horrible film, but I will never for get that one scene in which a woman claims that she is "Chinegro." Funny shit.

BTW, I understand what Tiger is trying to do when he calls himself "Cablinasion." As a multiracial person, I sometimes jokingly refer to myself as Amerhispasian, not because I am trying to distance myself from any part of my cultural makeup, but because I truly feel a part of all of my cultures. Now that PSA is done...

Umm, yeah, Tiger's baby will probably go through all of its various ethnic incarnations until she turns eighteen, when she will finally become "That golfing ho who steals all of the endorsements because no one can tell what the fuck she is."

The only color that matters is green. They should have named her Tag Heuer Woods. That should be worth a good $10 M.

@swinechimp:

BTW, I understand what Tiger is trying to do when he calls himself "Cablinasion." As a multiracial person, I sometimes jokingly refer to myself as Amerhispasian, not because I am trying to distance myself from any part of my cultural makeup, but because I truly feel a part of all of my cultures. Now that PSA is done...

Good PSA, but I don't think that "Tiger" (stupid name) is just being flip. I also remember a time when every little Negro child would lay claim to any heritage whatsoever so as not to have to admit to being plain-Vanilla black (so to speak): "I'm Spanish! ... I've got some American Indian in me...."

That time was not so very long ago.

Plus, even today, golf is an activity that I associate with racist, elitist white people who are none too attractive and wear hideous clothing while committing their sport.

And it's environmentally wasteful.

My father once asked me what I thought of Tiger Woods. I said he didn't seem to consider himself black, which was of course his prerogative, and it was of course my prerogative not to see him as any kind of black role model -- No harm, no foul.